If you've read this blog even sparingly since its inception, you are already well aware of my thorough disdain for politicians, the media, hobos, and rattlesnakes (in that order). As I attempt to escape from the reality that is my life through television, I've become increasingly aware that I would feel much more comfortable with some of these fictitious characters leading our country over their actual, office-holding dopplegangers. Here are those characters, with their appropriate office:
David Palmer (24), President of the United States of America: Was there any doubt? Unquestionably the best television president of all-time, with the potential to be the best real president of all-time. Intelligent (book), intelligent (sneaky), unemotional, able to make the tough decisions, over 6-ft tall.
Dr. Jack Shephard (Lost), Vice President (alternately, Surgeon General): Not quite president material (a bit too emotional), but smart, crafty, trustworthy, over 6-ft tall.
John Locke (Lost), Secretary of State: A bit too wacky and philosophical to hold any real office, but he's smart and saavy and can be engaging when necessary in a way that influences others in a positive manner. Plus, he has a lot of knives.
Jack Bauer (24), Secretary of Defense: Two Jacks are better than one, especially if both are over 6-ft tall.
Asst. D.A. Jack McCoy (Law & Order), Attorney General: If possible, I would have him amend the constitution such that only people named "Jack" were lawfully able to hold public office.
Joe Swanson (Family Guy), Director of FBI/CIA:Who says cripples, ahem, leg-challenged cannot lead meaningful, productive lives? Who? That guy over there? Consider him dead...
Gil Grissom (CSI), National Science Advisor: A fantastic logician and analytical mind. Bonus points for working with dead people which would put him at ease with the likes of Arlen Spector and Strom Thurmon.
Eric Cartman (South Park), Senator: There are way too many hippies and religious nutjobs holding political office. Eric Cartman would be a breath of fresh air.
Marge Simpson (The Simpsons), Congress: Just the right amount of humility and honest-to-goodness skepticism. Huge, blue, beehive haircut would give her clout as everyone knows Congressmen with larger hair are given more regard. Plus, it puts her over 6-ft tall.
Other options for Congress: Lassie, Rin Tin Tin, Arthur Fonzarrelli (aka The Fonze or Fonzie), Michael Knight, Bo and/or Luke Duke, Matlock, Colonel John "Hannibal" Smith, Captain "Howlin' Mad" Murdock, Lieutenant Templeton "Face" Peck, Sergeant Bosco "B.A." Baracus, Gumby, Popeye, Morticia Addams
The Royal HeffernansQuite possibly the best family ever |
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2 comments:
I think you left out two fabulous Congressmen - Beavis and Butthead. While both are neurotic morons, they tow the line exceptionally well, and will do anything you tell them to do. However, lack of any type of intelligence may detract from their appeal.
Speaking of national leaders, has anyone else noticed anything odd about Iran's president, Mahmood Ahmadinejad? He's been in the news a lot recently with their nuclear aspirations.
He is always wearing a Members Only jacket!!!
What's the deal? At least with the old Ayatollah, you knew what you were dealing with - head wrap, robes and all. This guy is hopelessly out of touch - with the political and fashion worlds!
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