The Jennifer Love Hewitt Phenomenon

WARNING! Mentioning this woman's name near women can prove hazardous to your health

If you are a Heffernan man you are never at a loss for ways to irritate, annoy, or outright anger members of the gentler persuasion. But in recent years I have stumbled upon an interesting discovery that I have dubbed 'The Jennifer Love Hewitt Phenomenon' which basically states,

All women despise Jennifer Love Hewitt and, by extension, any person (be it male or female) who does not also despise her.

Here is an example of the phenomenon in action:

1. While watching an an episode of the television show Lost with a female, mention how much you liked the man who portrays the character Jack (Matthew Fox) when he was on the television show Party of Five.
2. Mention how you thought that Neve Campbell was attractive on Party of Five. This will undoubtedly receive concurring nods and words of assent from any female present.
3. Then mention how you also thought that Jennifer Love Hewitt was very attractive, possibly surpassing Neve Campbell in attractiveness, on that same television show.
4. Duck.
5. Avoid invective, thrown objects, and laser beams emitted from said female's eyes.

It really is quite extraordinary when seen in action; however, I am at a complete loss for the rationale behind the phenomenon. Women typically take offense to men finding 'sluttier' celebrities (e.g. Britney Spears, Shakira) attractive, but usually agree when men compliment more 'wholesome' celebrities. I would place the star of such classic movies as Garfield the Movie and Garfield II: A Tale of Two Kittens firmly in the latter classification. So why women harbor such contempt towards her is nothing short of mind-boggling.

So try putting this phenomenon to the test the next time you can casually introduce Jennifer Love Hewitt into a conversation with a female friend as I would be interested in compiling more data in support of my theory. But beware, simply mentioning her name will likely cause you great emotional, and possibly physical, distress...