SLUUURP!

... that was the noise emanating from Jim Nantz and Phil Simms every time the camera focused on Peyton Manning in Sunday's game versus the Bengals. Seriously, can people please stop drooling over the reincarnation of Dan Marino, i.e. all stats, no rings. Yeah, great, Peyton calls all his plays no-huddle and changes them every time at the line. Awesome, Peyton can audible and make checks to keep the defense off-balance. We get it. Peyton's an above-average quarterback in the NFL.

I love how the announcers are always saying, "Look how winded the defense is! This no-hubble offense just doesn't let them make adjustments and substitutions!" when the Colts run that no-hubble offense. Don't you think the offense is pretty fucking tired too?! I mean, they're the ones having to concentrate as Peyton audibles through a half-dozen different plays signaled via some sort of epileptic mime song-and-dance that combines elements of Indian smoke signals, American Sign Langauge, and semiphore. Last I checked, the Colts aren't making any substitutions either. Are they on some sort of freak conditioning program that makes them impervious to fatigue during football games? What am I missing here? Ask Edge James is he's not tired after Peyton audibles 8 straight running plays up the gut.

The other thing I don't understand is Peyton's wanton disregard of his coaching staff. Phil Simms calls it respect and responsibility and leadership, I call it defiance and arrogance. He blatantly ignores his coaches' decisions and Simms proclaims his the reincarnation of Christ:

Exhibit A: Midway through the 2nd quarter, Colts up 21-17 and facing 4th down just inside Bengals territory. Colts head coach Tony Dungy began to send on the punt team. Peyton, with his giant head (both literally and figuratively), vehemently waived them off the field and went for it. RESULT: Colts 1st down (and eventual touchdown)
Exhibit B: 4th quarter, Colts up 42-34 and deep in Bengals territory, Dungy tries to send in some offensive substitutes and Manning disgustedly waives them back to the sidelines. RESULT: Bengals stuff Colts and force a field goal.

The consequences of Manning's decisions aren't as important as the fact that he got away with them and his utter contempt in doing so. NFL quarterbacks are, by nature, cocky. They must be in order to gain the respect of their team and handle the scrutiny that comes with the position. But on one side you have Tom Brady, who is a helluva quarterback, who listens to his coach, makes great play after great play, and has 3 super bowl rings and on the other you have Peyton, with his NFL records, making all his own calls, defying his coaches and owning 0 rings. You think Belichick or Parcells or Gruden would put up with Peyton ignoring their calls? He'd be sitting pine for a few plays just out of principle. The look on Mannings's face in both cases showed that he has no respect for the decisions of his coaches. Dungy, for his own sake, better tighten the reigns on Peyton or the Polians may begin to think he's expendable. I mean, who's running the show - Dungy or Peyton? Because by all appearances the Colts coaching staff has zero say in how their offense is managed.

So now we have another week of Manning ass-kissing now coupled with talk of a possible undefeated season by the Colts. Whoopee! Add to that the 9 million or so interviews that Nick Buonicotti is bound to give saying how great the '72 Dolphins were and I am officially in hell...