Anyone not reading the comments to the posts is missing half the fun of this site. I encourage more comments. On a similar note, I would like to nominate Chuck Norris as the patron action hero of our site. I'm sure Dad would argue that we are an Ah-nuld family, but Tom Rench's comments are rock solid. Finally, I think we should consider Tom as a Royal Heff cousin. His comments to the prior post were priceless and deserve a full post. I almost pissed my pants! Here you go...Evolution is VERY TRUE and is scientifically proven. Exhibit A: Chuck Norris.
Here's some random Chuck Norris facts to chew on:
1)Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
2)According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
3)Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
4)Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
5)As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
6)The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
7)Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.
8)Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
9)Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
10)If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Game. Set. Match.
2 comments:
Aw shucks Ted...I'm honored. Had I known this would make it to post status I would've been more careful to bring the absolute best Chuck Norris random facts instead of the hastily thrown together ones I put just before heading home from work.
I wish I could I say I wrote all of those, but those come from the best site ever. Click on my name to get the link. I've submitted a few to there including the first one here.
These are few more of my favorites and even more mojo to why EVOLUTION IS VERY REAL AND SHOULD BE FEARED!!!
1)Wilt Chamberlin claims to of slept with over 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
2)Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
3)Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
4)Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
5)There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
6)Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
7)Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
8)Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
9)One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.
10)Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage.
We know this beverage as Red Bull.
And one just in time for the holidays...
BONUS) Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
God bless Tom, and Chuck Norris.
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