Yes, Please!

It's about time! Predicted responses...

All Heffernan (and Labutta) men: Ecstasy
All Heffernan (and Labutta) women: Rage

Blizzard!

Here are some pictures that include Liz's trip to the White House, as well as the Blizzard of '09. Enjoy!

Christmas and the Blizzard of '09

Not-Quite-Christmas Billboard

"Poor Joseph. God was a hard act to follow."

This was a billboard poster put out by an Anglican church in New Zealand. Here's the link to the article. Obviously a lot of people are up in arms about this, but I think it's pretty funny. It makes you think in a Dogma sort of way - it's not necessarily the correct way, or even a good way, but nothing cuts to the quick like a little humor.

Karma - It Is a Bee-otch

When Brian Kelly was announced as the new head coach at Notre Dame last week and stated he would begin immediately and not coach Cincinnati in the Sugar Bowl UC fans and local media went completely ape-s*%t. How dare he, they said! Want a bunch of evil scumbags Notre Dame is for poaching their coach before these kids' biggest game of their lives.

Guess who's eating a little crow today?

Yesterday UC announced their next head coach would be Butch Jones, former head coach at Central Michigan. Futhermore, Jones would begin work at UC immediately and not be coaching CMU in their bowl game.

For those keeping score at home, UC just did to CMU exactly what ND did to UC. On top of that, they did it to CMU for the second time in 3 years! Kelly was previously the head coach at CMU before joining UC. He also decided to begin at UC immediately, forgoing coaching CMU in their bowl game (as he did with ND).

To recap (because the hypocrisy is almost unbelievable), UC has now done twice in three years to the same school exactly what it complained about ND doing to it.

So suck on that long and hard UC fans. Shut your damn traps and recognize this is how the big boys do business in college football.

Unfortunately, the damage is done. Much as Charlie Weis was maligned for his entire tenure as "arrogant" and "brash" for his "decided schematic advantage" comment at his introduction, I fear those against ND will use the context of Kelly's hiring to continue to berate the Irish. It is what it is - if it hadn't been that, it would've been something else.

At least Billy Cunningham will hopefully shutup now...

More Old Photos

I'm blogging! (Think Bill Murray tied to a sailboat in "What About Bob")

A while back, Colin posted some old family photos, which were so much fun to see. He promised to post more, but I haven't see any more yet. I figured I'd pick up some slack with some good photos from my own album.

Remember this trip? We've got a before and after shot...

Before our descent into the wilderness.

and 5 days later.

Kelly It Is

Here's what I said about Brian Kelly last month...

Kelly is Charlie Weis with previous head coaching experience. He runs a high-flying, fast-paced spread offense and calls all the plays. And he's benefited greatly from playing in the shithole that is the Big East. Pass.

Maybe that was a little unfair, but I still think people are biased by his Irish-Catholic background (I'm pretty sure Parseghian, Devine, Holtz, and Rockne weren't Irish and they still did okay). Here's what I will say:

• His .750 winning percentage over 19 years as a college football head coach is great.
• He has improved, dramatically, every team that he took over, and quickly.
• He's apparently very personable (effervescent is the word everyone seems to be using).
• He gets the most out of his players.
• He's shown an ability to adapt to the hand he's dealt, personnel-wise.
• He's active in the community.

All of those things will greatly help Kelly at Notre Dame. Some things that may not...

• His lack of defensive skills (being a defensive coordinator over 20yrs ago does not count). Although I'm willing to look past this because the old adage is, "Whoever score the most wins" and not "Whoever holds their opponent to fewer points wins."
• His recruiting experience. Again, willing to overlook this considering what he's able to get out of the players he has on hand.

I never bought the myth of the home-run-hire, e.g. Meyer or Stoops. Those guys had already tasted the pinnacle of college football success and could do nothing but fail at Notre Dame. If they won, it would have been expected. If they lost their skills are questioned and Notre Dame doomed to football mediocrity (at least, according to the pundits).

In Kelly Notre Dame gets a proven winner in the prime of his coaching career with something to prove. More importantly, they get a guy who wanted to be at Notre Dame and who was at the top of the Notre Dame wish list.

All in all, I'm cautiously optimistic. Like I said in an early post, I think Kelly has the resources on hand to make an immediate impact next year. It's amazing what a modicum of leadership and motivation can do to turn around a flagging program.

UPDATED: Tomorrow It Is Then

Barring a disaster of O'Leary-ian proportions, I expect an announcement on the new head coach at Notre Dame tomorrow. I have no "inside information". I base this on the fact that Notre Dame allowed the man currently in charge of the program (and recruiting) to leave to be the head coach at Akron today. This fact leads to one of two conclusions:

Optimistic: Notre Dame has their next coach lined up and will announce him shortly.

Pessimistic: Swarbrick is in way over his head and the program is crumbling around him.

I choose to be an optimist. I'm going to assume Swarbrick wouldn't, intentionally or otherwise, leave the team without a leader for any significant duration. That's why I'm guessing we'll find out who the next coach is tomorrow.

UPDATE: These mofos must be reading our site. Please note that my post originally went up at 2:07p ET and that article did not appear until 40min later. What does that mean? That I'm awesome, of course...

Meltdown - Tiger Style

And here's wishing a Happy Holiday season to the Woods family. They'll need all the help they can get. Never before have I seen such a catastrophic chain of events take place so rapidly to a public figure who until Thanksgiving had a PERFECT image. Initially, I figured things would blow over, but it seems to be a snowball rolling down hill at this point. It's unbelievable considering Tiger was one of the most well-known respected people in the entire world.

Check out this sequence of events:

• The week of Thanksgiving, the National Enquirer runs a tell-all story about Tiger's alleged mistress.
• 2:30am after Thanksgving, Tiger crashes into a fire hydrant and tree outside of his house. His wife, Elin, allegedly uses a golf club to break the window to free him.
• Tiger is taken to the hospital and released the next morning.
• Rumors fly about a link between the affair and Tiger's accident. Scratches to his face seem to be inconsistent with his accident. Could it be a domestic fight?
• Tiger refuses to speak to the FHP investigating the accident.
  
• Alleged mistress denies all claims of an affair and hires Gloria Alred as her attorney.
• A second woman comes forward with a lot of proof about an affair with Tiger to US Weekly.
• US Weekly releases a voice mail message from Tiger to the woman "Hi, it's me Tiger...", asking her to remove her name from her phone becaue his wife went through his phone and got his numbers!
• Original mistress schedules a press conference.
• Press conference is quietly canceled after a phone conversation between Tiger and/or his lawyer and the woman.
• FHP issues routine traffic citation and closes the case.
  
• Tiger releases a statement apologizing for his "transgressions".
• Transgressions becomes the #1 Google search query on the internet, confirming that most of America have a third grade reading level.
• Tiger cancels his appearance at his OWN charity golf tournament. Millions of dollars are probably lost for charity as a result.
• More women start to come forward claiming affairs, many with pictures.
• Details about Tiger's late night club visits in Orlando and Vegas emerge.
• Jesper Parnevik, who introduced Tiger and Elin when she was his nanny, publicly bashes Tiger.
  
• Elin purchases a home on a private island in her home country of Sweden.
• Tiger's attorney quietly starts contacting the representatives of the women claiming affairs. Can you smell a payoff?
  
• Elin's mom flies to Orlando from Sweden to be with her daughter.
• Golf club is reported to be a wedge.
  
• Police reports are released to the public. Apparently, Tiger was intoxicated at the scene. His wife produced bottles of Vicodin and Ambien to the authorities.
• Tiger's hospital records are leaked saying his admit diagnosis was overdose. Reports say he was ventilated.
• Reports surface that the FHP tried to get blood results from the hospital but were denied.
  
• Tiger informs his best friend who is getting married this weekend that he can no longer be his best man - less than a week in advance!
• A blond woman was taken to the hospital from Tiger's house by ambulance last night.
• The number of alleged mistresses has reached 10 as of this morning. More to come I'm sure!
• Hospitalized woman is confirmed as Elin's mother.
  

Where this stops, I have no idea. However, I think the Golden Bear's records may be safe. This might be enough to derail Tiger permanently. Then again, look at John Daly. That guy is like a cat with 9 lives - and people love him for it! Maybe Tiger will now be the Tour screw-up and get the sympathy fans!

I Need to Remember My Phone Has a Camera

Last night I had to hit up Giant to get some milk for Zoe. As I'm leaving the store I hear the signature yipping of a small dog - with Doppler effect. It's 9 o'clock at night, about 30 degrees, I've just left the gym, and I'm confusedly sweating and trying to figure out where this strange noise is coming from. Then I look to my left and see a small light coming slowly towards me. The yipping is coming from the light. As it gets closer I can finally make out the origin of the sound, and I am awesomely rewarded...

An older Asian gentleman is riding a motorized scooter (did I mention it was 30 degrees?) with a flashlight bungee-corded to the handlebars, groceries bungee-corded to the back, and a small dog bungee-corded to his leg. The dog is barking at everyone he passes, and the man gives me a stern look as he passes and I devolve into laughter. Seconds later I pass a young kid going into the store with his mom and I overhear him asking, "Did that guy have a dog in his lap?"

There have been more situations than I can count when I've seen something so unbelievable or hilarious or both that I've said to myself, "I wish I could take a picture of this because no one will believe it happened" - like the time I saw a van painted exactly like the van from the A Team (replete with spoiler) while riding my bike into work - only to have the moment pass with me forgetting my super fancy phone can take pictures and video. Hopefully, the next time I'll have proof...

Parental Blackmail

Zoe was a pain this weekend. Lots of crying, generally crummy spirits - even with over 5 inches of snow to play in she was, at best, just bearable. Then we got a Christmas tree and started decorating. Then I told her about Santa Claus, presents, and his naughty/nice list. I've never seen a child go into "nice" mode faster. She immediately became more receptive to requests from me and Stephanie. Even better, if she did something that was even questionably inappropriate she would turn to me and say, "We're not going to tell Santa Claus, right?"

Does it make me a lazy parent that I'll use such petty tactics to keep my kid in line? Maybe. Is it 100 times better than crying, screaming, and time outs? Absolutely. I will milk this for all that it's worth, and then I'll probably try to incorporate it into her birthday somehow. And maybe President's Day, Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, Easter, April Fool's Day, and Memorial Day in between. Please let me know if I've overlooked any other holidays...

It's Christmas Time!

Want Some Apple Juice?

Confession - I love Star Trek: The Next Generation. It was a great show during its original run (once it got its feet under it) and it continues to live on via awesome internet mashups that I've featured here before. Well, here's another awesome video where they've apparently just thrown together randoms clips and matched the characters lip movements with gibberish. Classic...

Are you for panda rape?

World Cup 2010

In case you guys missed it, the World Cup draw took place last night and today. The US was not one of the seeded teams, but we did get a pretty good draw. Her's how the group stage plays out:

Group A: France, Mexico, South Africa, Uruguay (France, Mexico)
Group B: Argentina, Greece, Nigeria, South Korea (Argentina, South Korea)
Group C: Algeria, England, Slovenia, United States (England, USA)
Group D: Australia, Germany, Ghana, Serbia (Germany, Australia)
Group E: Cameroon, Denmark, Japan, Netherlands (Netherlands, Cameroon)
Group F: Italy, New Zealand, Paraguay, Slovakia (Italy, Slovakia)
Group G: Brazil, Ivory Coast, North Korea, Portugal (Brazil, Portugal)
Group H: Chile, Honduras, Spain, Switzerland (Spain, Switzerland)

I've put my selections for who advances (2 teams from each group) in parentheses. I'm probably totally wrong, but some of these are no-brainers. I do say that someone really likes Germany, Italy and England, as those groups are not very good.

I'm hopeful that the USA can qualify for the second round, but we usually suck in the World Cup Finals, so my expectations are low. Maybe if we get schooled the USSF will hire a decent coach. Yeah, and I'm a Chinese jet pilot.

Out on a Limb

I've got a theory about Notre Dame's recent lack of success in football, and I'm going to share it here because I haven't heard it said anywhere else. Along with this theory comes a prediction. Here goes...

Theory: The largest gaff committed by Charlie Weis in the course of Notre Dame's failure the past three years is that he recruited Jimmy Clausen. Because the presence of Jimmy Clausen, as great as he has been statistically, is the true cause of Notre Dame's failures.

Prediction: Notre Dame will win 10 games next year, not because of whomever is eventually hired as the new coach, but because Jimmy Clausen will no longer be the on the team.

Am I crazy? Maybe. But hear me out.

Clausen's announcement that he would be attending Notre Dame was one of the most obnoxious, over-the-top events in memory, and it alienated a lot of people. Following that, Clausen's early enrollment (a first at Notre Dame), subsequent arm troubles and secrecy, and the quarterback shuffle that followed overshadowed everything else about the program. Weis' coddling of Clausen led to the transfers of QBs Demetrious Jones and Zach Frazier. A 3-9 season ensued.

For better or for worse, the quarterback is the face and soul of a football team. If there's one common thing that's been repeated about Notre Dame football over the last 3 abysmal seasons it's been a lack of motivation and fire. Jimmy Clausen comes across as a smug, privileged, punk (just ask whoever gave him that shiner or read this article). Coincidence? Clausen's presence as the "leader" of this team, combined with Weis' kowtowing to his every whim killed team chemistry and cost Notre Dame 3 years.

So next year, with the cancer that is Jimmy Clausen moved on to the NFL and a new head coach in place to rally the troops I truly expect to see a turnaround much like we saw in Weis' first year.

UPDATED: Loss for Words

I started and deleted about 5 different drafts to address the current state of Notre Dame's football program and all the commentary about the same. But none of them properly conveyed my contempt for the schadenfreude permeating in the sports world for the Irish, or could properly address all the ironic (and moronic) statements about ND being irrelevant, or could effectively mock the repeated assertion that Notre Dame's academics are too difficult for today's apparent caveman high school football recruits.

Then I read this article.

See, this is why I just infrequently contribute to a half-assed family blog and I'm not working as a writer (that, and I'm illiterate - I just dictated this to a hobo and had him type it for me). John Walters was able to address all the incorrect conclusions being drawn in the interwebs and by the talking heads on TV regarding ND football, to affirm his (and my) belief that Notre Dame will rise from the ashes like the mythical Phoenix to set fire to everyone and everything in its path, and to throw in a quote from Say Anything to boot, in succinct style.

Kudos to you, Mr. Walters. You have a new RSS subscriber...

UPDATE: Here's another great pro-Irish article from a different columnist over at FanHouse. Where did this FanHouse site come from? They're suddenly tops in my book...