The Rules of Attraction

As most of you know, the new Heffernan Compound came with a hot tub that we're looking to rid ourselves of. So last night I was digging through some paperwork to find information on the spa that we could post on Craigslist when I saw a warning sticker that read:

WARNING: CHILDREN ARE ATTRACTED TO WATER

Really? They are? Like bees are attracted to pollen, squirrels to nuts, bears to honey, Ian to chili dogs, type of attraction? Is it genetic? Can it skip generations? To test this statement I filled a bucket of water, placed it in the middle of the kitchen, spun Zoe in furious circles, and then turned her loose. Not only did she not move towards the water, she fell down, yelled, "lkajsdfoijasdf!" at me, stabbed violently with her wooden knife, then combed her hair with it. However, Bear did stroll over and lap a little up. So I suppose the statement needs to be modified to read:

WARNING: CHILDREN DOGS (AND MER-MEN*) ARE ATTRACTED TO WATER

*I forgot to mention, later in the evening a Mer-Man stabbed me with a trident and knocked over the bucket.