Class Voting Grid

Oh no! Political party conventions are already underway and you have no idea who you'll be voting for come November! McCain has always been a great senator, but he's been a life-long senator, never a leader (and he's older than Methuselah). Obama has charisma in spades and is one of the most inspirational candidates in ages, but he lacks in experience. Well, I'm here to help - by throwing emotions and "gut-feelings" out the window and basing your decision solely on income level. Just use this handy grid based on your annual income and vote with a clean conscience*!

Income	Candidate	Explanation
<$30k	Obama	Because you'll actually benefit from his social services programs
<$30k (south of Mason-Dixon line)	McCain	Because 'Obama' sounds like a terrorist's name... and he's black
$30k - $150k (average joe)	McCain	Because you make too much to benefit from any social services programs and can't afford to support those who would
$30k - $150k (idealist)	Obama	Because you've never done the math to realize how much more you'll pay in taxes with a Democratic president or you have and you don't care
$150k - $1m	McCain	Because you earned your money and would like to keep it
>$1m (celebrity)	Obama	You can afford to pay a little extra in taxes annually in order to appear righteous, and tell everyone how much better you are than them
>$1m (non-celebrity)	McCain	Paying over $400k in taxes per year is a little off-putting, and you don't care about your public image

* - If you actually want a clean conscience, just flip a freaking coin. Politicians are megalomaniacal egomaniacs and come a dime-a-dozen...