If I Had 300 Million Dollars

The other day the missus told me she intended to have all holiday shopping accomplished by the end of September. After initially jumping back in fear thinking that my mom had somehow possessed my wife's body I started thinking about wish lists. Seeing as how my birthday is just 5 days before Christmas gift lists take on extra special meaning. As I went through my list I came to two sobering realizations:

1. I have expensive tastes.
2. My income is insufficient to satiate my expensive tastes.

That got me to thinking of what I would want if I did have the means. So here's the game - I win (solely) the next Powerball that hits the $300m barrier. What do I do with all that money? Here's how it plays out...

• Uncle Sam takes about 60% or $180m. Absolute shite, I should never have to pay taxes again so I sign up as a registered Republican to make sure this happens and purchase several politicians.
• I'd share the wealth with our immediate families. Parentals receive $5m/set, siblings receive $1m/family. Unfortunately we have two sets of parents and eight(8) siblings combined, setting me back a hefty $18m. You'd better appreciate it you ingrates...
• Real Estate. I'd buy a nice house on the leeward side of Maui and a good-sized house here in D.C. with ample yard. I'd also purchase 1000 or so acres in Montana abutting Ted Turner's ranch. I'd raise lions that would feed off Ted's bison and train them to accept a saddle.
  
• Rides. I've never been a fan of flashy cars (I aspire to one day one a Honda Accord), but if I had the money? Eh, why the hell not. The wife would get a top-of-the-line Range Rover decked out with every accoutrement possible, plus a machine gun turret. For me? An Audi A6 - sporty, yet luxurious - with a machine gun turret attached to match the wife's Range Rover. I'd also hire Ford to create a working version of 'The Homer' for my own personal enjoyment.
• Financial Services. No single financial institution would insure you for all that money, so I'd need to have diverse investments. I'd start by investing heavily in alpaca/llama farming (but far away from my lion ranch) - those things are a gold mine. I'd also buy a steel mine and work to perfect alchemy in order to chemically change the ordinary steel into gold. I'd also buy a gold mine... just in case.
• I'd setup a game park to hunt the most dangerous game of all - MAN! But I'd start by just hunting children. You don't just jump into hunting men - you have to work your way up...
• I'd pay Kevin Federline (in wife-beater t-shirts) to just go away.
• I'd found a hobo wrestling federation and make Crazy Hat Pete the president (he doesn't actually wear a hat, it's a beret). The show would be broadcast on the Oxygen channel.
• I'd hire an entourage to coat the ground before me with fresh rose petals so I never had to walk on common ground again.
• I'd purchase burial plots on the moon, with headstones visible from earth with the naked eye.
• I'd take up the most ostentatious hobby of them all - stamp collecting.