Lucie the cat has gone MIAPER
This past July 1st, a long-time member of The Royal Heffernans was declared as missing. Lucie (aka Lucifer and Lucie Cat) lived a long and fruitless life of nearly 10 years. As a young kitten, she fell into a window well and, though rescued, was scarred for life. Tortured relentlessly by Kevin, Colin, and Ian, and at best tolerated by Dad, Lucie was 15 lbs of pure hatred covered with fur. She whined and begged at every opportunity, and attacked anyone with little or no provocation. Had it not been for Mom, she would have been thrown out long ago by her arch-nemesis, Dad.
Lucie tirelessly worked not only to be the fattest, laziest cat in Provincial Point, but also the most stupid. Oftentimes she would attempt to corner and attack full-grown deer. When she did manage to attack an animal her own size (i.e. a rabbit), she was not intelligent enough to actually perform the coup de grace. Instead she played with her rabbit and let it get away. Moments later she would be observed pining at the back door for her 3:15PM feeding.
The demise of Lucie is of somewhat dubious occurrences. She was let outside by this author while Mom and Dad were visiting Ava in NOLA. Lucie did not return to the house later that day or the next, and her current whereabouts are unknown. The last time Lucie was seen was July 1, 2006 at approximately 12:15PM EST. While she is not confirmed as dead, she is officially listed as MIAPER (Missing in Action and Presumed Eaten by a Raccoon).
We will not miss Lucie. We will not leave any memorial in her honor, as she had none. In the roll call of Heffernan pets she is somewhat better than Rascal, but lagging far behind the gold standard of Oscar. (Oh Oscar, you who were taken from us so young!) We will always remember Lucie for her famous statement "meow", uttered numerous times whilst she chased the red laser pointer in circles until she was ready to vomit. Her random attacks, gobs of shedded hair, untrimmed claws, and all-around ill-tempered-ness is taken from us forever. There will only ever be one Lucie, and for that I am profoundly thankful.
Lucie tirelessly worked not only to be the fattest, laziest cat in Provincial Point, but also the most stupid. Oftentimes she would attempt to corner and attack full-grown deer. When she did manage to attack an animal her own size (i.e. a rabbit), she was not intelligent enough to actually perform the coup de grace. Instead she played with her rabbit and let it get away. Moments later she would be observed pining at the back door for her 3:15PM feeding.
The demise of Lucie is of somewhat dubious occurrences. She was let outside by this author while Mom and Dad were visiting Ava in NOLA. Lucie did not return to the house later that day or the next, and her current whereabouts are unknown. The last time Lucie was seen was July 1, 2006 at approximately 12:15PM EST. While she is not confirmed as dead, she is officially listed as MIAPER (Missing in Action and Presumed Eaten by a Raccoon).
We will not miss Lucie. We will not leave any memorial in her honor, as she had none. In the roll call of Heffernan pets she is somewhat better than Rascal, but lagging far behind the gold standard of Oscar. (Oh Oscar, you who were taken from us so young!) We will always remember Lucie for her famous statement "meow", uttered numerous times whilst she chased the red laser pointer in circles until she was ready to vomit. Her random attacks, gobs of shedded hair, untrimmed claws, and all-around ill-tempered-ness is taken from us forever. There will only ever be one Lucie, and for that I am profoundly thankful.
2 comments:
I would like to offer my condolences to Bridget, Lucie's official owner. She was perhaps the worst pet owner in history! She brought Lucie home and stored her in a laundry basket. She then abandoned Lucie to attend college. That's about the extent of her ownership.
I would also like to nominate Jerry as the #1 pet in Heffernan history, and maybe the greatest cat of all-time. I think the only knock on his resume is that he is an indoor cat. He never got to test his skill in hunting, fighting and climbing trees. However, given his front claws, I am 100% sure that he could dominate the neighborhood cat hierarchy as well as bring down a deer.
I also took her to her first vet appointment to get her shots... If not for me, you'd all have rabies. BCH
Post a Comment