I Want

Adidas, in their awesomeness, has released a limited edition set of match balls that recreates every official FIFA World Cup game ball since 1970. Each ball comes with it's own unique ring stand commemorating the year in which it was used. Only one catch, it's $900.

Looking at those, I've owned replicas of at least 5 of those puppies. And all five are lost somewhere down the side hill on Copperglow Court, along with 'The Duke'. Ohh, The Duke! You were my favorite football and you've been gone for so long. Now I'm sad...

Technology Makes Us Dumber

I'm sure by now everyone has heard about the high school that tried to suspend a student for "inappropriate behavior" because they took a surreptitious picture of him at home using spyware on a school issued laptop. The whole thing has exploded lately with concerns about privacy and unlawful spying on students.

Let's set aside for a moment the ridiculousness of the policy of a public school district issuing mandatory MacBook laptops to every student and focus on the privacy issue.

There are quotes from students and security experts all over the web about how the students had suspicions of the spying, but software and the manner in which it functioned made it impossible to disable the camera so there was nothing they could do to prevent it.

Ever hear the story about how the Russian cosmonauts solved the issue of using a pen in space? They used an effing pencil. Well, why didn't these moron kids just put a piece of effing tape over the camera? They and expert technologists are trying to write scripts, decompile code, and wasting hours of effort in futility when less than 1" of good old duct tape would've solved their problem, just as duct tape solves most every problem - it's how I got all the girls in high school to like me!

Just because it's a technical problem doesn't mean there are non-technical ways to solve it. Oh no, this DVD has a file on it that I need to erase but I can't. Should I buy special software? Use a friend's computer? Umm... howsabout you just break that DVD in half? Problem solved. Then again, I usually suggest breaking things with a hammer (love my Estwing) for a solution whenever duct tape doesn't work - which has Bear worried about his anal gland issue.

Listen, I love technology. My generation was the first to grow up surrounded by it, with new toys appearing everyday. But my generation also had the benefit of knowing what it was like to live without that technology. It's great, but guess what? I was able to function for over 20yrs without a cell phone and it wasn't all bad. Ensuing generations know nothing of life without these devices. So, obviously, a solution as simple as covering the camera so it can't see you would never even pop into their feeble minds. Granted, they're just stupid kids. But stupid kids grow up to be stupid adults.

My point? As usual, I weep for our future...

Great Moments in Heffernan History - 1988

I came across something very interesting online today and it brought back a flood of memories - for me all good. For Bridget, probably not! Read the following description and see if you can remember...

Distance, round trip: 4 miles (6.4 km)
Estimated time: 2–3 hours
Difficulty: Strenuous
Trailhead: 3.5 miles (5.6 km) west of Tower Junction.
Trail begins with a steep descent to the Yellowstone River Suspension Bridge, then crosses a sagebrush plateau, and drops down to Hellroaring Creek. Both the Yellowstone River and Hellroaring Creek are popular fishing areas.

Cautions:

• Take water—this trail can be hot and dry during the summer.

• Watch your footing on river boulders along the river and creek.

• Beyond the bridge is a trailhead for other major backcountry trails. Pay attention; stay on the Hellroaring Trail.

• Hellroaring is a major backcountry trail. This day hike stops at the creek.

That's right, it's our Great Western Tour 1988. On our stay in Yellowstone at Roosevelt Lodge, a death-defying horseback ride along the edges of cliffs with an Old West Dinner Cookout wasn't the only adventure. We also took a 10 mile hike to Hellroaring Creek. That's right, 10 f-ing miles. The above trail description only includes the Hellroaring Trail, not the Garnet Hill Trail that you take to get there. I'm sure you all remember some choice moments from that day. For old times sake, I have recreated the classic route that Mom and Dad picked, dragging along a 13 year old, 11 year old, 9 year old and twin 7 year olds. It sounds unbelievable, but we did it - and it was AWESOME!


View Hellroaring Trail in a larger map

If anyone has the pictures of that trip, I would love to see them! Click on the Interactive map above and check out the highlights. I swear, I remember it like it was yesterday.

ESPN Sucks - reason #3432

So ESPN has had a few high profile suspensions of its employees in the last couple years. Extramarital affairs, workplace harassment, and trouble with the law are a few examples. However, I am fuming about the recent suspension of Tony Kornheiser. I would like to compare two previously suspended ESPN personalities and see if you can guess how long their suspension was:

Tony Kornheiser was on-air on his daily radio show in DC (not an official ESPN show), and went on a mini-tirade against SportsCenter anchor and ND grad Hannah Storm:

"Hannah Storm in a horrifying, horrifying outfit today. She's got on red go-go boots and a catholic school plaid skirt ... way too short for somebody in her 40s or maybe early 50s by now. She's got on her typically very, very tight shirt. She looks like she has sausage casing wrapping around her upper body ... I know she's very good, and I'm not supposed to be critical of ESPN people, so I won't ... but Hannah Storm ... come on now! Stop! What are you doing?"

He apologized the next day on the radio and tried to explain that he was being sarcastic, but was suspended from his ESPN show PTI imediately.

Dana Jacobson was a speaker at an official roast for Mike and Mike. The roast was recorded for later airing. I'm sure the tapes have been burned by now. Before her drunken tirade against all things Notre Dame (she is a Michigan grad), she paused to take a swig of Vodka (pictured above):

"F--- Notre Dame," "F--- Touchdown Jesus" and "F--- Jesus."

Jacobson was silent for over a week following the incident before the Catholic League hounded her and ESPN for an apology. She sent a half-hearted email to the Catholic League and no public apology was ever given by her or ESPN. Obviously, they issued a suspension almost 2 weeks later.

So Tony Kornheiser got 2 weeks. Dana Jacobson got a week. Are you kidding me????????

By the way, anyone else notice the coincidence here? Both suspensions arose from attacks on ND or ND grads??? It's a conspiracy!!!

People I Want to Fight: #73

The guy (or, possibly, girl) who invented left lane freeways exits and mergers.

Cruising along in the far left lane of a 4-lane tollroad every night on my commute home I'll inevitably come upon a car going 5 miles below the posted speed limit and be forced to rapidly decelerate. Why? Because coming up in only 5 short miles is the left-hand exit they need to take and, by God, they're not going to wait until the last minute to change lanes.

It's bad enough that people will switch lanes to the left when there is no one in front of them in their current lane for miles just because they don't want to be considered "the slow drivers". Don't freaking camp in the left lane for miles because you're either a) lazy or 2) a timid driver! Left lanes are for passing. Passing, dammit!

So congratulations, Mr. Left-Lane Exit Inventor. Not only have you complicated overpass construction the world over, but you've made driving that much more dangerous. If I ever discover your identity, we will throw down. Usual rules apply - not the face, that's the moneymaker...

I Love Hockey (for another week)

Yesterday had three great hockey games between some historic rivals. First was Russia edging out the Czech Republic. Second was the US-Canada game, and finally the Swedes beat Finland in a rematch of the 2006 gold-medal game.

But I must comment on the US vs Canada game. Did anyone watch this game? This was hockey as it was meant to be. With the number of big names and talented players in the game, it was basically a competitive NHL All-Star game. USA jumped out to an early lead in the first minute of the game, and from then on it was the US taking the lead and Canada dominating the game. The hits were hard and frequent, the crowd was as raucous and rowdy as I've ever heard (except when the US kept scoring), and the third period was basically a shooting gallery with Canada putting on a clinic and the US goalie (Ryan Miller) being a brick wall in front of the net. The announcers were a quality NHL crew who I've heard all the time and love listening to, and the game was even presented with limited commercials. The analysis by the announcers was fantastic and they had lots to talk about, from the great play of the US on defense and their limited offensive chances to Canada's frenzied, skillful, and hard-hitting offense.

The only problem I had with this game is the NBC decided to put it on MSNBC, so it wasn't in HD. Instead, the flagship station carried Ice Dancing and Super Combined. NBC missed the boat with not showing this hockey game on the main channel. It was the best hockey game I've seen since the 1994 Rangers-Canucks Stanley Cup final, and possibly ever. I did not plan on watching very long, but when three goals were scored by the end of the first period, I was hooked.

In the end, the game was billed as the biggest win since the "Miracle on Ice" in 1980. Since this wasn't even the medal round, I don't think it was that big of a deal. Yeah, we beat Canada, but they dominated the US in every category except goals scored. Give credit to the US for making the most of their chances (and making Canadians think Martin Brodeur should be on the bench), but they'll have to beat Canada again to win gold. I don't know if it will happen, but I can guarantee I'll be watching.

Pet Peeve

When you order a beverage at the drive-thru window, but don't get a straw.

This Makes Me Weep

Well, the biggest movie that I'll never see, Avatar, is ready to make me hate my favorite series of books, Foundation. The trilogy (that later added several more books) is set to be made into a series of films.

Normally, this would make me as giddy as a school girl. Until I read who would be directing the films - Roland Emmerich. The same Roland Emmerich who wrote/directed such films as Independence Day, The Day After Tomorrow, and 2012 amongst other disaster porn, big budget flops.

What makes this even sadder are these quotes by Emmerich on the topic of Foundation...

"The 'Avatar' technology applies to 'Foundation,' " Emmerich said. "It has to be done all CG because I would not know how to shoot this thing in real."

and the real killer...

"If you do a movie in 3-D, you can ask for more money and that's the trick!"

On the first quote - has he even read the freaking books!? I just reread Foundation, and about 98% of that book consists of 2-3 people sitting in a single room having a conversation. The other 2% being the introduction and arrival on Trantor. If memory serves, the remaining books have similar ratios. What, exactly, requires the use of CG? It's a few actors talking, for godsakes! Maybe someone should remake 12 Angry Men, but all in CG and 3D. Oh, man, the guy bringing the jurors their lunch jumps right off the screen! Juror #7 is completely CG, just like Gollum, because we just couldn't find 12 convincing real-life actors!

The second quote is really what this, and all of Hollywood, is all about - money. There's no need to do this movie in 3D. Doing the movie in 3D won't, in any way, make the movie better. But, fuck it, let's just do it in 3D so we can get a bigger production budget. This is the legacy of George Lucas. Let's "remake" Star Wars. And by "remake" I mean let's just insert stupid little background CG effects that have no bearing whatsoever on the storyline or in no way add to the plot or quality just so we can rerelease the movies theatrically and make more money. I guarantee you that every "big" movie in the next 2-3 years will be announced as "in 3D". This will continue until studio executives (hopefully) realize that 3D contributes nothing but cost to the vast majority of all films.

So that's what I'll be expecting when Foundation hits theaters. Sweeping panorama views of distant worlds that last for minutes. Invented space battles that never really occur alongside a bunch of cutesie and meaningless CG effects that contribute nil, because the novels - which beat out LOTR for best of all-time - need a little more pizazz to keep audiences interested. And they'll probably make The Mule completely in CG, because why the hell not!?

On the brightside, it'll still be better than Will Smith's I, Robot...

I Hate Winter

Blizzard '10

Who Dat?

As Jim Henderson, the Saints radio announcer, said after the NFC Championship as the color guy, Hokie Gajan, just couldn't stop laughing, "Pigs are flying. Hell has frozen over. The Saints are in the Super Bowl!"

So I have been listening to a LOT of commentary on the radio and on TV this week to get hyped up for the game. The one thing I don't understand is how almost EVERYONE thinks it would take a miracle for the Saints to beat the Indianapolis Mannings - I mean Colts. The recurring theme is that there is no way the Saints can stop Peyton Manning, and that the Saints only chance is due to Dwight Freeney maybe not being able to play...

WHERE ARE THESE GUYS GETTING THEIR INFORMATION?????

I did a little analysis of what I think are the most important factors involved in this game. Here are some stats. Which team do you think is which? If the tables are too small for your weak eyes, click on them to enlarge!

How about this comparison of performance against playoff opponents?

Here's another one. Which QB won the league MVP?

Here's another gem. How did these teams perform in close games and against common opponents?

If you haven't already guessed, Team A and QB A are the Saints and Drew Brees. Team B and QB B are the Colts and Manning. By the numbers, the Saints dominate most stats in the regular season and blew out most of their opponents with fewer close games. They also dominated in common opponents. It's also obvious that Manning is only the MVP because of a popularity contest. Clearly, Brees had a better year. The one area the Colts hold a decisive advantage is in how they performed against their playoff opponents, who had pretty good Ds. Then again, the Saints had no problem against the mighty Jets in the regular season.

Bottom line Ted Heffernan analysis: The Saints and Brees were clearly the better team/QB throughout the season, but the Colts have stepped it up in the playoffs. I agree with the announcers that the Colts will score on the Saints D. However, the Saints WILL get a turnover or two, and the Colts D will not be able to stop the Saints, who have a superior running game to complement Brees.

Saints 34
Colts 27

The Cincinnati Heffernans will gather (plus Bridget and Owen) for the game Sunday and watch the inevitable Saints victory. Then we are driving down to New Orleans for Mardi Gras and the victory parade downtown that is expected to draw over 300k people!!!