5 Second Movie Review - Georgia Rule

Tagline: In this family, attitude doesn't skip a generation.

The heartwarming - and often hilarious - story of a rambunctious, drug-addicted California teenager (Lindsay Lohan) who seduces/is molested by her father (Cary Elwes), accuses him, gets sent to live with her tough-as-nails grandmother (Jane Fonda) in Idaho over the summer as she awaits trial, gives a Mormon a hummer, tries to seduce her father again, then tries to seduce her alcoholic, drug-addicted mom's (Felicity Huffman) ex-flame. How does it all end? Here's a hint - hijinx and a hug.

In summary, it may beat out Maid in Manhattan as the most disjointed, schizophrenic movie ever made... it's also one of the worst. I know what you're thinking, "Wait just one second, Ian. Slapstick comedy and incest? That sounds like the perfect recipe for Oscar gold!" That's what I thought too! They must have had a bad gaffer or something...

UPDATE: I just saw that The Onion had a Commentary Tracks of the Damned on this same movie this week. I swear I didn't know about this. I just happened to stumble across this movie last night on HBO.

The Dark Knight

I'm a confessed comic book geek. I've got 5 full boxes of comics in the house from years of collecting. So I can tell you I've really enjoyed the recent renaissance of comic book movies - Spiderman, X-Men, Superman, et al. But in all honesty, none of those hold a torch to Batman Begins, and it starting to sound like that film won't be able to hold a torch to it's sequel, The Dark Knight.

Here's a link to the first full review I've seen over at Rolling Stone - The Dark Knight Review

Everyone's heard about how great Heath Ledger's Joker is, and being a Batman fanboy it'll be nice to see Jack Nicholson's awful rendition forgotten, but what the review above tells is how great everyone else is. I haven't been this excited to see a movie in the theatre in years - not since The Return of the King. Here's hoping that The Dark Knight is as good as billed...

Firefox 3

As if you needed another reason to download the latest and greatest Firefox 3, along comes FireNes, a plugin that acts as an NES simulator and allows you to play 1000's of old-school Nintendo games through Firefox!



Get it now!

Garfield minus Garfield

Have you ever read a Garfield comic and wondered what the conversation really went like, what since cats can't actually talk and all? Well, here's your answer...

There's an entire site out there that removes Garfield from the strip, essentially leaving Jon Arbuckle to his own devices. The result is a look into the life of a very lonely, depressed man. It's also hilarious!

Throwing in the Towel

Well ladies and gentlemen mark it on your calendars, June 8, 2008, the date I stopped seriously following the Cincinnati Reds. Now don't get me wrong, I'll check the standings every now and then, and will watch any highlights I come across on SportsCenter, but no more. I used to have RSS feeds for all of the major Reds sites loaded on my browser and would read them throughout the day. I also listened to a fair amount of games on the radio via XM radio. This will all stop now, in fact the RSS feeds have all been deleted. It all boils down to one thing, the Reds just aren't that good, in fact, they haven't been good for 13 years. I could usually fool myself into thinking they could compete at the beginning of every year, but that was just foolish optimism. Yes, they have some good young players, but I have been down this road before. Their major prospects will fail to live up to potential (see Bailey, Homer), and the veterans will get old and fade away (see Griffey, Jr.).

If they ever make the playoffs I will watch and cheer, but I won't be the die hard fan I was recently. I can only stand to have one sports team break my heart year after year, and Notre Dame football holds that coveted position.

I'm a Blogging Guru

SI.com is currently featuring an article on Jimbo Fisher (lackey-in-waiting at Florida St.) that describes him as

"... own[ing] a reputation as one of the nation's finest QB gurus."

Ummm...

Just because a guy holds a position as a quarterbacks coach doesn't necessarily mean he's a "guru". Here's the list of QBs Fisher has coached since arriving at LSU in 2000:

• 2000: Josh Booty
• 2001 - 2006: Matt Mauck/Rohan Davey/Rick Clausen/Matt Flynn/JaMarcus Russell/Ryan Perriloux
  
• 2007/8: Drew Weatherford

I'd say SI is taking liberties with the whole "guru" title. I mean, that's not exactly a murderer's row of QBs up there. I basically lumped all the LSU QBs together because none was consistent enough to win the job and they were all rotated - something that would point to Fisher most definitely not being a guru. He's basically earned a title based on the 1.5 freak seasons of JaMarcus Russell.

Based on these qualifications, I've tried to guess how SI.com sportswriters might describe Heffernan family members...

• Dad - mustache guru
• Mom - shopping bargain guru
• Ted - magnetic resonance imaging guru, aka "doctor"
  
• Ali - pediatric wellness guru
• Ava/Molly - gurus-in-training
  
• Ian - guru-identification guru
• Steph - e-commerce guru
• Zoe - unusual sleeping position guru
  
• Bryan - working from home guru
• Bridget - intellectual property guru, aka "lawyer"
• Colin - financial law guru, aka "accountant"
• Liz - educational guru, aka "teacher"
• Kevin - unable to give financial advice guru
• Teresa - ability to put up with Kevin for extended durations guru

If you're not sick of the word "guru" at this point and it doesn't sound like some odd, foreign word, something's wrong with you. I think we can all agree that the usage of this word in the sports world is raging out of control. Can't we all just agree to call a horse a horse and ditch the whole "guru" thing?