This weekend allowed me to finally get around to viewing your latest cinematic effort, Death Proof. To be polite, let's just say I was extremely disappointed. I was quite excited when I first heard of your collaboration with Robert Rodriguez for the Grindhouse double feature, and after having viewed and enjoyed Rodriguez's Planet Terror I had high hopes for your half. I admit, I'm a sucker for zombie movies, so Terror may have been more my speed, but you had an ace in the hole - one Mr. Kurt Russell, aka Jack Burton, aka RJ MacReady, aka Snake Plissken. In other words, you had an actor who I hold in the highest esteem starring in your film. And you blew it. You had a 105 minute film that contained 90 minutes of exposition that did nothing to move the story. Just 90 minutes of your "signature" dialog. Mr. Tarantino, you can only make so many references to "Big Kahuna Burger" before it's no longer funny nor cute.
I'm a man. I enjoy scantily-clad women as much as the next guy. What I don't enjoy is 3 minutes of dialog between two characters debating whether or not they should perform a dangerous stunt on the hood of a car (As an aside, when performing said stunt at high speeds and someone comes up along side your vehicle, attempting to run you off the road, why would you attempt to remedy the situation by speeding up!? Why not simply stop the car, allowing your friend to safely rejoin you inside the vehicle? It's not like your heroines were afraid of the other driver - as evidenced by the film's conclusion. So why would they try to extricate themselves by speeding up? Why wouldn't they simply stop? Your entire film was predicated on a ridiculous, flawed premise.) . You know the last time I actually fast-forwarded through a movie? Never. Until I watched Death Proof, that is. And I fast-forwarded through about 20 minutes of dialog without missing anything. That's not a good sign for your film.
One other thing, please stop inserting yourself as characters in movies you write, direct, or produce. You have a chin that would make Rocky from Mask blush. Add to that your lisp and your complete inability to deliver lines in the least convincing manner and it makes for a poor decision. You, sir, are a terrible actor. Your delivery is as formulaic as Chandler from Friends - mumble, mumble, mumble, SHOUTQUICKLY! mumble, mumble, mumble, SHOUTQUICKLY! The only film in which you were semi-watchable was From Dusk Til Dawn, and that's mainly because you played a retarded pedophile, which I'm sure was not much of a stretch.
I remember watching and enjoying Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction and True Romance and truly enjoying the direction you were pushing films. You were making graphically violent movies with developed characters you actually liked that spoke clever, if kitschy, dialog. Now you're simply rehashing the same thing time after time. Here's an idea, instead of paying "homage" to films of the 70's (Jackie Brown, Kill Bill vols 1 & 2, Grindhouse, et al.), why don't you try innovating for a change? There's a reason why the movies and trends of the 70's died in the 70's - people got tired of them. And although it's nice to reminisce now and then, there comes a time to move on. Unfortunately, that time should have been about 2 months before you began work on Death Proof. But since my time machine is still not operational, let's make that time now.
In conclusion, you suck.
xxoo,
Ian
Ian
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