Van Damme!

ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND!

ZOMBIES IN AREA! RUN!

Sorry for the glut of posts today. Don't forget to check out Ian's awesome post on literature, and my rant on television below. However, this one was just too good not to post. If for no other reason so I can watch it repeatedly for as long as our blog is active! I cannot stop laughing!!! Check out the article below after watching the video.

Construction signs warn of zombies

Is Television a Right?

I am baffled by the political bickering going on around the fast approaching transition to digital television. I am baffled on so many levels that I felt like making a post. Maybe somebody can explain this to me.

As many of you likely know, February 17, 2009 has long been marked as the date that analog signals will no longer be broadcast. I've known about it for at least 5 years, and they have continuously pushed the date back before settling on Feb 17 over a year ago. When that happens, TVs that use an analog antenna to get reception will no longer pick up signals. Anyone who has cable, satellite or even a digital antenna will see no change whatsoever. In their benevolence, the US Government allocated $1.3 billion for coupons to allow people to purchase digital antennas. The problem is that the government claims that 6.5 million households still use an analog antenna to get TV signals, and they will be blacked out next month!

Today, the house voted on extending the deadline until June to allow more time for these poor people to complete the upgrade. Thank the Lord Almighty that the Republicans stood up and said "NO", defeating the motion along strict party lines. The change is still on for February 17. Democrats decried the GOP and Bush for mismanaging the transition. However, the Senate still approved an additional $650 million for the coupon program.

So I have a number of problems with this issue:

• Why is it the governments responsibility to make sure every American can watch TV?
• Does anyone know a single person that has an analog antenna as their only source of TV? Who are these 6.5 million households?
• How long will it take these morons to switch? They've had at least 5 years already. Is another 4 months really going to make a difference?
• This will cost broadcast companies millions if they are forced to continue analog service, not good in the current recession.
  
• Could we maybe find a better use for $1.3 billion + $650 million in this time of economic crisis?
• Do the sales of digital antennas match the coupons? I'll bet most people just get the free money and do other things with it.
• How is this the evil GOP and Bush's fault?
  

Weather or not the transition occurs has no effect on me, as I get my signals from cable. However, if this thing gets delayed again, I am going to $%it an antenna out of my @$$!!! The fact that TV is such an issue is a complete joke! Maybe it would be a good thing - no, it would be a great thing if the TV went dead at these homes, as well as all the rest of ours. Maybe these fat @$$es would get their butts off the couch, exercise, look for a job or be a parent to their 12 kids! I would be perfectly content if my TV became a monitor for Blu-ray.

"We hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

Anyone? Anyone? Yeah the Declaration of Independence. Maybe we should just throw TV right in there. Can you write an amendment to the Declaration of Independence?

TV is a luxury, not a right. There are better ways to find happiness.

Damn You, Christian Science Reading Room!

Last night we were at the mall browsing about in Barnes & Noble. I still had some gift cards to burn from my birthday and Christmas so I picked up a discounted ($6 hardcover) former bestseller called, 'Monster' by Frank Peretti. I read the jacket and it sounded like a novelization of Abominable, and I thought to myself, "This has the potential to be the greatest book ever!"

So as Zoe went to bed and Steph followed about 15 minutes later I settled in and started reading. I got exactly one(1) page when I became worried. It was not even the book, just the introductory pages with excerpted praise from reviewers - all of the comments included the word 'Christian', e.g.

One of the best Christian science-fiction writers of his generation!

Fargo Gazette

I start to wonder if I've made a serious mistake. Within the first 20 pages, as heathen Native Americans are being ripped to shreds by Bigfoot and simple, God-fearing white folks are left unharmed I realize what I've stumbled into. A few quick Google searches and my suspicions are confirmed. I just purchased (albeit using a gift card and for only $6) a book in which a Christian author tries to denounce evolution by saying that man did not evolve from apes, but rather apes were the forefathers of Bigfoot, Yeti, and Abominable Snowmen and God put man here on Earth exactly as he is today.

Not only was I furious that this agenda wasn't more prominently displayed on the jacket cover, I was furious with myself for indirectly helping to support this asinine movement. Needless to say, I immediately closed the book and threw it in the garbage - which is exactly where idiotic "theories" such as this belong.

So it appears the old cliche is true (for better or for worse) - you cannot judge a book by its cover!

A Moment of Silence

for Mr. Sean Casey, aka "The Mayor". According to reports The Mayor has announced his retirement and plans to join the newly established MLB network as an analyst. I currently receive this channel on Verizon Fios (the greatest cable provider ever) and will be able to listen to the insightful analysis that The Mayor will surely bring.

He was always a very good player for the Reds, whom I loved to watch play. Sure, he did ground into more double plays than any other baseball player in history, but he always hustled down the line before being thrown out. I will only briefly mention his brief stints with the Pirates, Tigers, and Red Sox. With the Tigers he was the only player who showed up when they decided to hand the Cardinals the World Series a few years back. Also, the original trade to the Pirates netted the Reds Dave Williams. If you can't remember Dave Williams then you are not alone, the guy was a total bust and helped move along the ousting of Reds GM Dave O'Brian.

Oh, did I mention the poster you see above of The Mayor was proudly displayed in my dorm room and later my house throughout all of college. It was awesome.

Maybe? Possibly? Finally?

Bear the Dog - He can't read

You know whom I haven't given enough love to here on the olde blog? Bear the Dog. He's the 110lb lug that protects our home from, uh, unsat upon pillows? After 2+ years with Bear I feel like he's finally coming into his own. A series of medical conditions, allergies, and other canine zaniness have made things frustrating at times, but I love the big dope.

I'll admit, I've had a lot of complaints with Bear. I suppose things got off to a bad start with the now infamous multi-puke, car wreck puppy pick-up event. I should've realized at that point that he'd be scarred for life, but oh well. Here's a abbreviated list of ailments that have beset poor Bear since we've owned him...

• Phantom limping - thought he tore his ACL. Mysteriously disappeared.
• Multiple histiocytomas, particularly in the foot area, resulting in blood all over our floors and Bear refusing to walk.
• Multiple bouts with diarrhea. Required us to feed him a raw diet (boiled chicken and rice) and eventually change his dog food.
• Seasonal Affective Disorder. He would lose clumps of hair and become listless in the winter from lack of sunlight.
• Bleeding ears. To an extent that when he flapped them - something all dogs do - blood splattered the walls and made it look like someone was ax murdered in our family room.
  
• Hair clumping
• Loss of appetite
• Excessive fluid in anal glands
  

I'm sure I'm forgetting some, and this is all in just over a 2-year period... which just happened to coincide with the birth of our first child. So we're probably idiots and should've seen this coming, but who woulda thunked? Thank god for pet insurance. (One thing I did learn throughout all of this is that vets are basically morons. You take your pet in, they scratch their heads, actually try to find pictures of the ailment in a big diagnostic book, then recommend taking blood samples. After all that uncovers nothing - which is usually the case - they simply prescribe antibiotics. My point? If you have a pet there's no point in taking him to the vet except for administration of shots. They're worthless and you're better off self-diagnosing through the internet and taking appropriate action on your own. With pets 99% of issues can be resolved homeopathically.)

Anyway, I think we may be seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. After much consultation with Bear's breeders, she finally mentioned that several of Bear's relatives have allergies to chicken - which just so happened to be the primary ingredient in the fancy dog food we've been feeding him the past two years. When we read online about some of the symptoms they matched Bear's tit-for-tat. So about 8 weeks back we switched him over to a lamb and rice formula and, slowly but surely, he's been getting better. Honestly, he's like a different dog the past few weeks - one that I don't loath and contemplate talking for a long "walk" regularly. This is what I signed up for. This is what I was expecting, and I'm now enjoying the dog ownership experience.

We aren't out of the clear yet. He still can't poop in under 15minutes (he just keeps trying and trying - he'll probably get hemorroids). He still occasionally pukes from eating sh!t in the yard (although you can see the tell-tale signs here and usually throw him outside beforehand). And he does have a tendency to wake up 20 minutes before me and lick my face because he wants to go running NOW, but these are nothing compared to the past two years.

So here's to you, Bear!

P.S. - If he gets sick again, he's gone...

Awesome Radiology Histories

So it's 1am in the morning and I'm pulling an all night shift reading all the ER studies at a major medical center that will remain nameless (you all know where I work)!

You guys know I always get some great stories, but we had a few that were just awesome today. Here's my top 3 - and I still have 6 hours to go!

3) "Pt reports she was in a stressful meeting with her husband and lawyer when she 'the world turned yellow' she felt funny. Next thing she remembers she was lying on floor and could not move left arm."

Her brain MRI showed a HUGE aneurysm that had ruptured causing subarachnoid hemorrhage. Those damn lawyers actually made her blow an aneurysm!

2) "Pt found handcuffed to bed with shotgun injury."

In addition, the husband had shot himself and was next to her, and she was found several hours later by her 8 year old son. Oh yeah, she was shot in the genital area AT CLOSE RANGE - they found the shell inside of her! I guess she was fooling around on him.

And my all-time personal fav...

1) "Pt killed a homeless person yesterday, became nervous when a police officer pulled behind him today so he ran a red light and hit pedestrians, transfered from osh with L2 compression fx."

That is awesomely hilarious. For full effect, say it out loud, "Pt killed a homeless man yesterday." Now have someone else say it out loud and listen. I can't stop laughing! I know, I'm going to hell, but he would have never been caught if he hadn't admitted it! He just saw a cop and freaked out. Even after running the light and hitting a bunch of people, they still wouldn't have known about the homeless dude.

Man, I love my job!

Interesting...

I bet I'm not the only one in ND Nation suddenly very interested in the NFL coaching carousel, particularly what just happened in Tampa. Head Coach Jon Gruden - he who led Tampa to it's only Super Bowl title in 2003, who was raised in South Bend, who's dad was a former Notre Dame assistant, and who was rumored to be Tyrone Willingham's successor - was fired this week. Odds are it's too late for him to find another NFL job for next season, meaning he could still be a free agent come next winter. Suddenly the stress meter for Charlie Weis just cranked up a few notches.

Gruden reminds me a lot of Pete Carroll, except he's succeeded at the top in the NFL where Carroll failed. He's young, energetic, enthusiastic, and a so-called "mastermind" on one half of the ball - offense, as opposed to Carroll's defensive background. If he's still available and Notre Dame doesn't come out of the gates next season like a house on fire, I hope to God that Swarbrick and the other administrators pick up the phone and start cozying up to Gruden.

Can You Say, Liquidation?

Set your alarm clocks! According to the article linked below from CNN, Circuit City will begin a liquidation sale at all of its remaining stores Saturday.

Circuit City to shut down

Circuit City has been slowly spiraling the drain for a few years, and previously attempted to close some stores to cut costs. Well, the bankruptcy has hit the end of the road as Circuit City has asked to close its doors on March 31.

I have to say that for me, Best Buy has completely surpassed Circuit City, so I rarely shop there any more. I did buy my Blu-ray player there in November, because they got them weeks before anyone else. Man, I did love the sales environment. They were the last big store where you could walk in and "make a deal" with the salesman. You could buy a TV and a receiver, and he'd throw in speakers for free. That's an employee who works on commission in action! That would NEVER happen at Best Buy.

If anyone is considering any electronic purchases, Saturday is the day! I for one will be heading to my local Circuit City at 10am on Saturday. I'll probably buy a crapload of Blu-rays of they are a good deal. I know how these liquidation sales go. Get the good stuff quick, and it will then be 2 months of total crap on the shelves.

Little Germ Bags

Eek! Germs and binary!

As I once again recover from one of the worst illnesses I've ever had, a common theme over the past two years, I just wanted to give some forewarning to those family members out there expecting new arrivals this year - buy stock in Vicks, because kids are freaking walking germs.

In 32 years of life I have been seriously sick (really sick, not "banana stuck in my heart" sick) only a handful of times, and the vast majority of those events have occurred since Zoe's arrival. God bless her - she's a little angel - but her cute little coughs and attempts to blow her own nose only serve as an indication of the living hell in which I'll be living starting in about 2 days and lasting much longer than it seemed to afflict her.

It's a vicious circle. Zoe comes home with a cough, she gets better, Steph gets sick, she gets better, I get sick, I get better. Lather, rinse, repeat. The only things that change are the order (Steph or me getting sick second, Zoe's always patient zero) and the duration. It's truly awful and the worst part of parenthood almost 1.5 years in. I didn't know it was possible to be this sick.

It's almost certainly due to Zoe being in daycare - that place is like a giant jar of agar. The kids could have ebola and the parents would still drop them off - just no diarrhea! But the flip side is she's "building her immune system" - which means when she goes off to real school in a few years she'll be a rockstar while all those sissies that stayed at home with their parents and were never exposed to anything are puking up blood. Nevermind the fact that I'll probably be dead at that point from some rare case of baby pneumonia that's only fatal to adults. That's life...

So stock up on cold and flu remedies soon-to-be parents. It doesn't matter if you live in climates warm or cold or what preemptive actions you try to take, because one thing is for certain - your child will get sick, and then you will get sick... only much, much worse. And then you will want to shoot yourself in the face to relieve yourself of all the snot and sinus pressure. Parenthood - it's fantastic!