Damn You, Christian Science Reading Room!

Last night we were at the mall browsing about in Barnes & Noble. I still had some gift cards to burn from my birthday and Christmas so I picked up a discounted ($6 hardcover) former bestseller called, 'Monster' by Frank Peretti. I read the jacket and it sounded like a novelization of Abominable, and I thought to myself, "This has the potential to be the greatest book ever!"

So as Zoe went to bed and Steph followed about 15 minutes later I settled in and started reading. I got exactly one(1) page when I became worried. It was not even the book, just the introductory pages with excerpted praise from reviewers - all of the comments included the word 'Christian', e.g.

One of the best Christian science-fiction writers of his generation!

Fargo Gazette

I start to wonder if I've made a serious mistake. Within the first 20 pages, as heathen Native Americans are being ripped to shreds by Bigfoot and simple, God-fearing white folks are left unharmed I realize what I've stumbled into. A few quick Google searches and my suspicions are confirmed. I just purchased (albeit using a gift card and for only $6) a book in which a Christian author tries to denounce evolution by saying that man did not evolve from apes, but rather apes were the forefathers of Bigfoot, Yeti, and Abominable Snowmen and God put man here on Earth exactly as he is today.

Not only was I furious that this agenda wasn't more prominently displayed on the jacket cover, I was furious with myself for indirectly helping to support this asinine movement. Needless to say, I immediately closed the book and threw it in the garbage - which is exactly where idiotic "theories" such as this belong.

So it appears the old cliche is true (for better or for worse) - you cannot judge a book by its cover!

A Moment of Silence

for Mr. Sean Casey, aka "The Mayor". According to reports The Mayor has announced his retirement and plans to join the newly established MLB network as an analyst. I currently receive this channel on Verizon Fios (the greatest cable provider ever) and will be able to listen to the insightful analysis that The Mayor will surely bring.

He was always a very good player for the Reds, whom I loved to watch play. Sure, he did ground into more double plays than any other baseball player in history, but he always hustled down the line before being thrown out. I will only briefly mention his brief stints with the Pirates, Tigers, and Red Sox. With the Tigers he was the only player who showed up when they decided to hand the Cardinals the World Series a few years back. Also, the original trade to the Pirates netted the Reds Dave Williams. If you can't remember Dave Williams then you are not alone, the guy was a total bust and helped move along the ousting of Reds GM Dave O'Brian.

Oh, did I mention the poster you see above of The Mayor was proudly displayed in my dorm room and later my house throughout all of college. It was awesome.

Maybe? Possibly? Finally?

Bear the Dog - He can't read

You know whom I haven't given enough love to here on the olde blog? Bear the Dog. He's the 110lb lug that protects our home from, uh, unsat upon pillows? After 2+ years with Bear I feel like he's finally coming into his own. A series of medical conditions, allergies, and other canine zaniness have made things frustrating at times, but I love the big dope.

I'll admit, I've had a lot of complaints with Bear. I suppose things got off to a bad start with the now infamous multi-puke, car wreck puppy pick-up event. I should've realized at that point that he'd be scarred for life, but oh well. Here's a abbreviated list of ailments that have beset poor Bear since we've owned him...

• Phantom limping - thought he tore his ACL. Mysteriously disappeared.
• Multiple histiocytomas, particularly in the foot area, resulting in blood all over our floors and Bear refusing to walk.
• Multiple bouts with diarrhea. Required us to feed him a raw diet (boiled chicken and rice) and eventually change his dog food.
• Seasonal Affective Disorder. He would lose clumps of hair and become listless in the winter from lack of sunlight.
• Bleeding ears. To an extent that when he flapped them - something all dogs do - blood splattered the walls and made it look like someone was ax murdered in our family room.
  
• Hair clumping
• Loss of appetite
• Excessive fluid in anal glands
  

I'm sure I'm forgetting some, and this is all in just over a 2-year period... which just happened to coincide with the birth of our first child. So we're probably idiots and should've seen this coming, but who woulda thunked? Thank god for pet insurance. (One thing I did learn throughout all of this is that vets are basically morons. You take your pet in, they scratch their heads, actually try to find pictures of the ailment in a big diagnostic book, then recommend taking blood samples. After all that uncovers nothing - which is usually the case - they simply prescribe antibiotics. My point? If you have a pet there's no point in taking him to the vet except for administration of shots. They're worthless and you're better off self-diagnosing through the internet and taking appropriate action on your own. With pets 99% of issues can be resolved homeopathically.)

Anyway, I think we may be seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. After much consultation with Bear's breeders, she finally mentioned that several of Bear's relatives have allergies to chicken - which just so happened to be the primary ingredient in the fancy dog food we've been feeding him the past two years. When we read online about some of the symptoms they matched Bear's tit-for-tat. So about 8 weeks back we switched him over to a lamb and rice formula and, slowly but surely, he's been getting better. Honestly, he's like a different dog the past few weeks - one that I don't loath and contemplate talking for a long "walk" regularly. This is what I signed up for. This is what I was expecting, and I'm now enjoying the dog ownership experience.

We aren't out of the clear yet. He still can't poop in under 15minutes (he just keeps trying and trying - he'll probably get hemorroids). He still occasionally pukes from eating sh!t in the yard (although you can see the tell-tale signs here and usually throw him outside beforehand). And he does have a tendency to wake up 20 minutes before me and lick my face because he wants to go running NOW, but these are nothing compared to the past two years.

So here's to you, Bear!

P.S. - If he gets sick again, he's gone...

Awesome Radiology Histories

So it's 1am in the morning and I'm pulling an all night shift reading all the ER studies at a major medical center that will remain nameless (you all know where I work)!

You guys know I always get some great stories, but we had a few that were just awesome today. Here's my top 3 - and I still have 6 hours to go!

3) "Pt reports she was in a stressful meeting with her husband and lawyer when she 'the world turned yellow' she felt funny. Next thing she remembers she was lying on floor and could not move left arm."

Her brain MRI showed a HUGE aneurysm that had ruptured causing subarachnoid hemorrhage. Those damn lawyers actually made her blow an aneurysm!

2) "Pt found handcuffed to bed with shotgun injury."

In addition, the husband had shot himself and was next to her, and she was found several hours later by her 8 year old son. Oh yeah, she was shot in the genital area AT CLOSE RANGE - they found the shell inside of her! I guess she was fooling around on him.

And my all-time personal fav...

1) "Pt killed a homeless person yesterday, became nervous when a police officer pulled behind him today so he ran a red light and hit pedestrians, transfered from osh with L2 compression fx."

That is awesomely hilarious. For full effect, say it out loud, "Pt killed a homeless man yesterday." Now have someone else say it out loud and listen. I can't stop laughing! I know, I'm going to hell, but he would have never been caught if he hadn't admitted it! He just saw a cop and freaked out. Even after running the light and hitting a bunch of people, they still wouldn't have known about the homeless dude.

Man, I love my job!

Interesting...

I bet I'm not the only one in ND Nation suddenly very interested in the NFL coaching carousel, particularly what just happened in Tampa. Head Coach Jon Gruden - he who led Tampa to it's only Super Bowl title in 2003, who was raised in South Bend, who's dad was a former Notre Dame assistant, and who was rumored to be Tyrone Willingham's successor - was fired this week. Odds are it's too late for him to find another NFL job for next season, meaning he could still be a free agent come next winter. Suddenly the stress meter for Charlie Weis just cranked up a few notches.

Gruden reminds me a lot of Pete Carroll, except he's succeeded at the top in the NFL where Carroll failed. He's young, energetic, enthusiastic, and a so-called "mastermind" on one half of the ball - offense, as opposed to Carroll's defensive background. If he's still available and Notre Dame doesn't come out of the gates next season like a house on fire, I hope to God that Swarbrick and the other administrators pick up the phone and start cozying up to Gruden.

Can You Say, Liquidation?

Set your alarm clocks! According to the article linked below from CNN, Circuit City will begin a liquidation sale at all of its remaining stores Saturday.

Circuit City to shut down

Circuit City has been slowly spiraling the drain for a few years, and previously attempted to close some stores to cut costs. Well, the bankruptcy has hit the end of the road as Circuit City has asked to close its doors on March 31.

I have to say that for me, Best Buy has completely surpassed Circuit City, so I rarely shop there any more. I did buy my Blu-ray player there in November, because they got them weeks before anyone else. Man, I did love the sales environment. They were the last big store where you could walk in and "make a deal" with the salesman. You could buy a TV and a receiver, and he'd throw in speakers for free. That's an employee who works on commission in action! That would NEVER happen at Best Buy.

If anyone is considering any electronic purchases, Saturday is the day! I for one will be heading to my local Circuit City at 10am on Saturday. I'll probably buy a crapload of Blu-rays of they are a good deal. I know how these liquidation sales go. Get the good stuff quick, and it will then be 2 months of total crap on the shelves.

Little Germ Bags

Eek! Germs and binary!

As I once again recover from one of the worst illnesses I've ever had, a common theme over the past two years, I just wanted to give some forewarning to those family members out there expecting new arrivals this year - buy stock in Vicks, because kids are freaking walking germs.

In 32 years of life I have been seriously sick (really sick, not "banana stuck in my heart" sick) only a handful of times, and the vast majority of those events have occurred since Zoe's arrival. God bless her - she's a little angel - but her cute little coughs and attempts to blow her own nose only serve as an indication of the living hell in which I'll be living starting in about 2 days and lasting much longer than it seemed to afflict her.

It's a vicious circle. Zoe comes home with a cough, she gets better, Steph gets sick, she gets better, I get sick, I get better. Lather, rinse, repeat. The only things that change are the order (Steph or me getting sick second, Zoe's always patient zero) and the duration. It's truly awful and the worst part of parenthood almost 1.5 years in. I didn't know it was possible to be this sick.

It's almost certainly due to Zoe being in daycare - that place is like a giant jar of agar. The kids could have ebola and the parents would still drop them off - just no diarrhea! But the flip side is she's "building her immune system" - which means when she goes off to real school in a few years she'll be a rockstar while all those sissies that stayed at home with their parents and were never exposed to anything are puking up blood. Nevermind the fact that I'll probably be dead at that point from some rare case of baby pneumonia that's only fatal to adults. That's life...

So stock up on cold and flu remedies soon-to-be parents. It doesn't matter if you live in climates warm or cold or what preemptive actions you try to take, because one thing is for certain - your child will get sick, and then you will get sick... only much, much worse. And then you will want to shoot yourself in the face to relieve yourself of all the snot and sinus pressure. Parenthood - it's fantastic!

Damn You, Sneaky Hollywood!

I'll admit it. When a movie is over I leave the theater. If I am watching at home, I turn off the Blu-ray player or change the channel. I don't watch the credits. So why does Hollywood insist on putting all the best scenes in movies after the credits roll???

This trend was first noticed by me when I was a kid watching Young Sherlock Holmes. Any of the Heffernans will surely remember that flick. We watched it a lot. Anyway, I vividly recall the credits rolling with a strange carriage traveling for no apparent reason. I continued watching the entire credit roll to see Holmes nemesis from the movie (his school professor) get out and sign his name "Moriarty."

Since that time, I can think of a number of important scenes that have occurred following the credits. Cloverfield was the most recent discovery I have seen. Sometimes, comedies will actually do gag reels through the credits which often are funnier than the actual movie. Talledega Nights or any Will Farrell movie are good examples.

Today I am pissed because I missed a TOTALLY AWESOME scene at the end of Iron Man. I saw this in the theater and I own the Blu-ray! I am going home tonight to watch this, but here is the YouTube link for anyone else interested.


So I did a quick Google search and realized there are TONS of movies with secret hidden endings and scenes. What the hell!!!??? Anybody else hate this practice? How about any comments with any hidden scenes at the end that we might have missed? I still don't think I'll sit through the credits though.

Fire Mike Brey

God, watching Notre Dame men's basketball is horrible, just horrible. As ND proceeded to blow last night's game at Louisville - a game in which they had multiple chances to win down the stretch before falling apart in overtime - Tory Jackson single-handedly ruined 5 out of their last 6 possessions. If not for a incorrect backcourt violation call Jackson's final blunder would have cost the Irish the game in regulation. I could tell Jackson was gassed, Stephanie could tell Jackson was gassed, my god, Zoe woke up, climbed out of her crib, came downstairs, and shocked us by yelling, "What the hell is Jackson still doing in the game?". I gave her a high-five and said, "Right on!", before pacifying her - at which point she fell asleep on the floor for overtime. Everyone in the world knew he at least needed to be taken off the ball, except apparently for Mike Brey. You have McAlarney and Hillesland in the game who can both handle the ball, and you have Peoples off the bench who can do the same. Brey's indecision cost ND the game.

And it's not the first time. My math may be slightly off here, but ND has lost approximately 114 games by 5 points or less or in overtime in the last three years. That's coaching. Brey brings nothing to the table. He doesn't recruit all that well - he simply lucked in Harangody. His teams play horrible (HORRIBLE!) defense. He consistently allows his tallest players to shoot threes as opposed to even trying to rebound. He never can make an in-game adjustment. People say we have some sort of advanced offense, but as far as I can tell, up until Harangody became a freak, that offense consisted of running down the court and gunning threes. And still does to a large degree even with one of the most dominant inside men in college hoops. I can coach that crap - a monkey could coach that! A competent coach that stressed even a modicum of defense along with some decent set plays would have this team in the top 5 and winning a game like last night by 15.

Brey got saved last year - to no credit of his own - by Harangody becoming a monster. This team, which has as good a roster and talent as any ND team in a long time, should be a write-in for the Sweet 16 with a very good chance to go even further if a few things break their way. The way they are currently playing - without any adjustment from Brey - they're looking at getting bumped again in the second round. Mark my words. And it will all be Brey's fault as you watch Jackson turn it over again and again and Zeller bomb three after three all while Harangody shakes his head and wonders why he can't get any low post help.

Jack Swarbrick - please fire Mike Brey.

Scientology Strikes Again?

We all laughed at Tom Cruise when he completely went off the deep end on The Today Show when Matt Lauer asked him about his rant against Brooke Shields and her use of medication for post-partum depression. His "History of Psychiatry" clip is priceless and seen below.



However, I was very upset when I heard about the recent death of John Travolta and Kelly Preston's son Jett. Initially, I thought it must have been a tragic accident. Then, I read a bit more about the situation, and things just don't add up. Now, upon reading that the Travoltas had the remains cremated in another country prior to returning to the US, I have decided that something is amiss. I blame Scientology.

Here are the unusual facts that don't add up:

• The Travoltas blame Kawasaki disease for a developmental disorder in their son, despite the fact that Kawasaki disease affects children under 5 and caused vascular inflammation particularly in the coronary arteries.
• Jett also had a seizure disorder. Was he being appropriately treated?
• The official autopsy report listed "seizure disorder" as the cause of death. People don't usually die from seizures, unless they injure themselves during a seizure.
• The autopsy was performed in the Bahamas. Apparently the Travolta family physician was present. Who was he? Why would you trust foreign doctors.
• The body was cremated in another country before the ashes were returned home. Why would any parent do this? Wouldn't a more thorough autopsy be indicated?
  

We all have heard how Cruise claims Scientology cured his dyslexia and that it forbids mind altering drugs that mainstream medicine uses. The Travoltas are also avid Scientologists, although lower key. I wonder if Jett Travolta was being appropriately treated for his seizure disorder. All the facts seem to suggest a rapid autopsy and cremation, as if to cover up evidence. Remember when Heath Ledger died? It took like 2 months before his autopsy results were final, and he had open bottles of pills all around him! No way was this case finalized in a foreign country in a matter of days.

I feel terribly for the Travoltas. In no way do I think that they did anything wrong to their son. However, why isn't anyone asking questions about the circumstances around Jett's death. I fear that he may not have been receiving the best medical care before and after his death due to the influence of Scientology.