Xenu's Revenge!

Look, we all know what Scientology is. It's a pyramid scheme hiding behind the veil of religion. Look, don't take my word for it, take the words of founder L. Ron Hubbard:

"You don't get rich writing science fiction. If you want to get rich, you start a religion."

I think most rational people understand that Scientology is just a cult. I was willing to laugh at them and make fun of the sycophants like Tom Cruise and Jenna Elfman. I always love a good article on a recent scientologist defection, and saw one today on the main CNN page. It was a video (which I refuse to watch), so I Googled the topic to see what it was about. That sent me spiraling down the internet rabbit hole on one of the most shocking series of articles I have ever read:

NY Daily News
This article summarizes what happened with Leah Remini. She was friends with Shelly Miscavige, the wife of the leader of Scientology. She questioned where her friend went, as she has not been seen or heard from since 2007. She also questioned Tom Cruise's relationship with said leader, David Miscavige.

Michele Miscavige
That brought me to the next link, the Wikipedia entry on this missing person. Read about her disappearance. It's totally f-ed up! Can you imagine if Michelle Obama disappeared for 6 years, and Barak said she was working for the government at an undisclosed location? The article suggests she may be at a secret Scientology location known as The Hole. Of course I needed to know more.

The Hole
This is perhaps the most incredible read on Scientology I have ever had. Take the time to go through it. It's not conjecture. These are stories and info confirmed by the official Scientologist spokespeople. Some gems:

"According to Janet Reitman, in the late fall of 2004 Miscavige called together 70 senior Church executives in a pair of double-wide trailers normally used as the international management team's offices. They were ordered to play a game of musical chairs in the management conference room. Those who failed to get a chair when the music stopped would be "offloaded" from the base to be sent away from their spouses and children to languish in the most remote and unpleasant locations in Scientology's empire. As Queen's Greatest Hits was played, the competition for seats became increasingly fierce: "By the time the number had dwindled to twenty, people were throwing one another against the walls, ripping seats from one another's hands, wrestling one another to the floor."< At the end of the contest, Miscavige ordered that all the executives were to stay in the conference room and sleep under the tables until further notice. They stayed there for the next few days, with occasional deliveries of food, before being released."

And what happens if you get sent here and want to leave, or quit Scientology?

"The perimeter of the base is closely guarded around the clock. It is ringed with high fences that are topped with spikes and razor wire and monitored by inward-facing motion sensors to detect anyone trying to climb out of the compound. The Tampa Bay Times reported that dozens of workers tried to escape from the base – some of them repeatedly – but were caught and returned by Sea Org "pursuit teams". The escapees are said to have been subjected to isolation, interrogation and punishment on their return to the compound."

Uh, is that legal? Good luck trying to find out. It's all "religious" business and I don't know how this could even be investigated by authorities.

Wow. Just wow.

Hooray for PBS!

I can't stand reality television. It was the first step in the dumbening (Is that how you spell dumbening? Wait, dumbening isn't even a word. Hmmm...) of America. I don't watch much television in general, but when I do I often find myself gravitating to PBS, or, at least, their imported BBC specials like Sherlock. Anyway, it looks like PBS shares my feelings regarding reality television based on a series of new ads mocking reality television, in general, and the portion of the populace that actually watches them, specifically. It started with a series of fake subway poster ads:

And it has since escalated into video parodies:

God bless you, PBS. Never change - except get rid of that horrible American Woodshop show and bring back New Yankee Workshop. Scott Phillips is a hack.

Totally Underated

As I mentioned on a recent post, I have entered the world of streaming home video with arms open wide. One of the big advantages is that it makes it very easy to see a lot of movies that you otherwise might skip. There are a lot of movies I wouldn't buy on DVD or Blu. Video stores are almost gone from existence. Also, Netflix sucks. Redbox is not so bad, but they have a limited selection of new stuff. With streaming, tons of stuff is available for free. If not, you can rent or purchase online (or download for free if you are a filthy cheat stealing from Hollywood).

So I am starting a post to find awesome movies that I may have missed. Think about it like this: are there any movies that you constantly recommend to friends that they probably haven't seen? I find myself doing that with a few. Maybe not masterpieces, but great movies that are must sees. I'll start off with a couple that I love, and if you want to add to the post, go for it. If you can't publish, add a comment, and we can amend the post. Might be cool to get a good list together.

Kick-Ass
This is an unbelievable action flick. What I originally mistook for yet another third-rate comic turned film to cash in on the comic book craze is in fact one of the very best comic book/superhero films out there. You know the glowing surprise in the case from Pulp Fiction that comes up again and again, yet they never show what it is? There is a similar plot device in Kick-Ass - except they do show you, and holy god does the reveal pay off!!! See this movie, and get ready for Kick-Ass 2 this summer!

Primer
Shane Carruth may be a one-hit-wonder filmmaker (Upstream Color was rough), but if Primer is his one hit, he is a success. Without a doubt, the best time-travel movie ever made, period. This one is so realistic, it seems like it could really happen, hell, maybe it has! Half the fun is watching it again and again to try and figure out the multiple timelines. Don't worry. There is a handy info-graphic online that will diagram the whole thing for you if you need a hand. It will blow your mind!

Walk Hard
I love John C. Reilly. He has to be one of the finest actors in Hollywood. Everything he touches turns to gold. Even in the crap movies he's in, he steals the show. This is one of his few turns as a leading man. It beautifully combines his comedic genius and awesome singing voice in this blatant spoof of Walk the Line. I never hear anyone bring this one up, and I think it just got overlooked. This movie makes me laugh out loud repeatedly, and is even funnier if you've seen Walk the Line. Listen to the lyrics of his songs, and look out for Tim Meadows. He has a repeating gag in this one that is brilliant.

King of Kong
Have to agree with Colin on this one. Just a riveting doc about Donkey Kong. That seems ludicrous to type, but it's true. Watch it.

Role Models
So Colin clearly loves Sean William Scott! I'll give him one listing here. I've seen Goon, and it is great. However, I've got to add something that I haven't seen yet! I'll be checking this one out soon.

Where the Hell Do I Aim???

Oh the horror!

I recently stumbled upon a horrifying truth, quite by accident... 

I rarely buy new clothes. In fact, were I not married, I would probably have the same exact clothes in my closet as I had 10 years ago. As it is, one item that I get a lot of wear out of is khaki shorts. I wear them constantly from April through October. Like most guys, I have several pairs in the rotation. After a year of wear, they are perfectly broken in. After 2 years, they start to show their age. After 3, discoloration starts and fraying is close behind. For whatever reason, all my shorts fell apart at the end of last summer. So I searched the stores for a new style of go to khaki shorts.

After much searching (these gotta last for a while) I found the Men's Ultimate ROC Short by Columbia. They are cotton, not the crazy nylon crap a lot of similar shorts are these days. They have a nicely-fitting 9" inseam, and don't extend below the knee. They have useful pockets, but are not cargo style meaning I can dress them up a bit too. They even offer UPF 50 protection from the sun, although most non-nudists don't have too much trouble with butt burns!

However, it's one feature of these shorts that led me to my inadvertent discovery:

• Omni-Shield advanced repellency treatment wards off rain and stains

It's pretty self-explanatory. They are treated to be slightly water repellent. What actually happens is small amounts of water bead up on the fabric. Certainly not water proof. So imagine my surprise the first time I wore them and used a public urinal. I zipped up, walked over to the sink and noticed beads of water on the front of my shorts - urine! Thinking maybe it was an unusual occurrence (more water than usual in the urinal), I wiped them clean and moved on. However, I have come to realize this was not a one-time occurrence. Using a urinal splatters you with piss! 

So now questions are running through my head:

• Is the shorty urinal better than the the taller adult one?
• Is there a specific target I should be aiming for?
• Should I shit-can the whole urinal and use the toilet?
• What the hell happens if there aren't urinal dividers and someone is next to you?
• Can I ever piss in a trough-style latrine at a stadium again?

38 years of life, and only now have I realized this! Damn you Columbia! (But the shorts still totally rock!)

The Future is Here

If the industry hasn't already done so, I'll go ahead and do it for them. I have long been the biggest supporter of home video. I own literally hundreds of VHS, then DVD and now blu-rays. Today, I am waving the white flag and surrendering.

For a year, I have been using my blu-ray player in the basement to access online content through Amazon and Vudu. We used it sporadically, mostly to watch free Amazon Prime shows for the girls, or older free movies. I used Vudu a handful of times to rent a new release because it is one of the few that offered 1080p and 5.1 sound. Then, I discovered something cool. When you buy a movie, it usually has a "digital copy". I had been saving those in iTunes. Now, they have switched over to Ultraviolet. This is a service that verifies your movie, then allows you to access it from the cloud. At first I was ticked because I couldn't actually save the file on my computer, making iTunes useless. Then I realized I could link Vudu to Ultraviolet, and watch my movies anywhere online - including streaming them from my blu-ray player.

Suddenly, I started to use this streaming more and more. I soon realized how great it was, so I decided I had to be able to do the same upstairs. After reading nothing but amazing reviews on the new Roku 3, I made the $99 purchase and set it up. Do you remember the first time you used TiVo? It was just like that. I knew things would never be the same. Two days later, I bought a second unit for the basement.

Internet streaming media players are the future of viewing.

Blu-ray
Physical media for movies and television is an endangered species. A long series of formats has progressed since actual film reels were used in high end home movie theaters. Film gave way to VideoDiscs, gave way to LaserDiscs, gave way to Betamax, gave way to VHS, gave way to DIVX, gave way to DVD, gave way to HD-DVD, gave way to Blu-ray. Now, I think people will soon stop buying DVDs and blu-rays, because every movie is quickly available to rent or purchase through a number of online movie services. Amazon, iTunes, Vudu, Blockbuster and Netflix are but a few. The prices are actually comparable to buying a disc, which tells you something. If they charge the same price, but don't have to manufacture and ship the disc, the studios MAKE MORE MONEY! I have even seen quite a few big titles get released online BEFORE the blu-ray comes out. Prometheus is a recent example. Oh yeah, you can buy it and watch whenever you want.

Do you remember that painful day when you made the iTunes plunge? You decided that you were going to rip all your hundreds of CDs into iTunes and go all digital. It was a little scary, and took a long time painfully inserting disc after disc. But when you were done - glorious! That day is coming for me very soon with video. No, I'm not going to rip all my DVDs and Blus. That would take a year. For $1, you can load your disc into your computer, connect to Vudu, get it verified and have your own purchased copy to stream online. Yeah, sucks to have to pay, but it will be worth it. Literally hundreds of movies at your finger tips to watch from your phone, any computer or any TV.


Television
The other shoe will drop when cable providers, or channels themselves provide their content directly to streaming devices. Right now, services like Amazon and Hulu allow you to keep pace with your favorite shows. But Apple and Roku are negotiating right now with cable companies and trying to get internet streaming of regular TV. Then, you'll be able to watch live TV as well. When that happens, you'll hook up a tiny Roku to your TV by HDMI, and viola - instant home theater!!! No more blu-ray player, no more cable box. In fact, I'll bet someone even integrates Roku or Apple TV right into a TV in a year or 2. Plug in the TV, hang it on the wall, connect to your Wifi network, and NO CABLES at all!!!

Some other fun things the Roku allows you to do:

• Roku app: Push pictures and music from your iPhone.
• Plex: Link Roku to your home computer. Set up folders to stream ALL your movies, home movies, music, photos.
• Picasa/Shutterfly: Link Roku to your online albums.

Look, I'm not ready to cut the cords yet, but the writing is on the wall. I'm sure the Apple TV has similar features, but it certainly can't claim the volume of channels Roku has right now. For now, I can whole-heartedly recommend the Roku 3. Just go buy it and get started.

He's Still Got It!

Totally lost in the shuffle for me earlier this year was Arnold Schwarzenegger's return to feature films, The Last Stand. It was released in January amid Oscar season, and overlooked in lists of 2013 blockbusters. It didn't make a ton of money, but was favorably reviewed getting 60% at Rotten Tomatoes. 

So, it was released on video this past week, and being an Ah-nuld Aficionado, I thought I'd give it a shot. My one-word review:

AWESOME!

Perhaps I have devolved to the point where for me to truly enjoy a movie, I have to be surprised. Following movies too closely can spoil the plot, but it's easy to stay away from that. That's not what I'm talking about here. I am talking about expectations. If I go into a movie expecting to be blown away, and it is great but doesn't live up to the hype, it's still a disappointment.   

Prometheus is the perfect example here. A great movie, but it could never live up to 30+ years of Alien/Ridley Scott hype. The Last Stand is the opposite case. It came at me from the side, for the reasons above. Also, I didn't really hear much buzz about it. It seems everyone is waiting for the next Terminator/Predator/Conan Ah-nuld movie, and this little pic was just a small blip on the radar.

So am I ruining your movie experience simply by writing this? Probably! Look, Ah-nuld is older and will never be the physical star he once was. However, this movie acknowledges that, and plays to it. The action sequences were great, and there was a LOT of it. However, I have one thing for you to consider while you watch: flare gun. You'll know what I mean when you see it!!! Just see this one.

The Circle of Life

Never was Troy McClure so right... 

Two monkeys race a bear in a bicycle race. What's the worst thing that could happen? I have been laughing for two straight days watching this one! I'm only sorry I didn't post it sooner so Ian and Colin could watch it repeatedly on their drive home yesterday!

Ender's Game

The trailer is out:



Looks like the movie, which comes out November 1, 2013, is actually going to be pretty good. Although they seem to have given away a rather large surprise, but most people will probably not notice.  Can't wait to see this alone after Mia falls asleep.

Notre Dame Stadium Updates (Proposed)

Artist rendering of a future Notre Dame Stadium

I hate ESPN, but they sometimes have some good info.  This is the first I've heard about a proposed update to Notre Dame Stadium.  It's not much of a seating increase, only about 3,000 seats.  But it adds luxury boxes, a club-level, and some other high-end amenities that the Stadium doesn't have and would be lucrative to ND and appealing to future students and student-athletes.

Swarbrick is the biggest name quoted in the article, and everything is still undetermined, but ND usually doesn't release this type of info, and especially not with quotes by someone with Swarbrick's prestige, without having a fairly solid plan.  It'll be interesting to see how this develops in the next few years.

Oh, Molly!

So Ava had her first match with her new team, Cincinnati United, this past weekend. Ava and I got there first so she could warm up with her team, and Ali came a bit later for the start of the game with Molly and Piper. This photo is from kickoff. Note the linesman in the background...

Molly walks right up to the field, looks across and yells out for everyone on the sideline to hear:

"Is that a boy or a MIDGET?"

I don't think I can emphasize enough the stress placed by Molly on the word midget. I don't think he heard it on the opposite sideline, but everyone else did! I am still laughing!!!

PS: Of course, he did blow at least one offside call.