ND Angst

Is anybody else getting anxious and shaky every time they think about Saturday at 3:30PM ET? I just saw that ND released their depth chart today and I've been reading all kinds of analyses about who's starting where and beautiful crescendo's of speed and balance. I'm getting so excited I had to stop working and write a post!

I'm also very excited about the QB battle. At this point I hope that Demetrius Jones wins the starting nod. Athletic, scrambling QB's in college are so much more dangerous - plus, everything I've read says that Jones has a pretty darn good arm as well. But whether it's Jones, Clausen, or Sharpley, at least I know that if the guys sucks we can go to someone else. How many silent prayers were said last year and the year before every time Brady Quinn took a hit? Depth baby!

I'm going out and buying a flagpole this weekend so I can hang my giant ND flag in front on my house. I'm also going to be sitting on my butt drinking enough beer to calm my nerves for the first game of the ND rebuilding year... er, National Championship run!

Lights!

Camera!

Action!

Requiem

From time to time, we have devoted an infrequent blog entry to Hollywood and some anticipated future releases. Well, I wouldn't be a good Heffernan if I didn't post this one. I have to admit, this caught me by complete surprise. Not only did I not think a sequel to AvP would ever be made, I didn't even know they were working on it!

So what is this little number about? The storyline is still top secret, but it appears to be an Alien outbreak on Earth in the present time. Of course a Predator is around to wreak havoc as well. It is R-rated, unlike AvP, and has been touted as a true horror film. The title was just announced, and the trailer is available for download by following this link at IGN. It hits theaters Christmas 2007. I have to admit, they could release Alien Meets Abbot and Costello and I would still go see it. I think every other Heffernan man probably feels the same way.

I hope to God this movie is every bit as awesome as the trailer indicates. It looks unbelievable. Let me give you the cliff notes version of the badass things I noticed. Check it out for yourself.

• The film is rated R, even the trailer is restricted!
• Old school Alien design, like in the 2nd movie (my favorite design)!
• Predators SLAUGHTERING humans! No more teaming up like in AvP!
• At least 20 deaths in the trailer alone.
• Language even in the trailer.
  
• Michelle Dressler from 24.
  

What smells worse than poo?

Do you like that picture? Most people don't. Pepe LePue aside, I generally think of skunks when I'm driving on the road and experience the fetid scents of rotten eggs and burning rubber. I'm not usually too upset because that's one less skunk in the world.

However, it's a different experience altogether when Pepe LePue is living with his wife in your backyard. Yup, that's right, my wonderful new house has got skunks in the back yard. They come out every night at around 8:30-9PM, and wander around my backyard looking for food. I've wrapped up all my garbage and other easily edible dietary supplements, but apparently skunks eat bugs too, of which I can't easily rid my yard.

So I'm working on finding an exterminator. "Skunk hunt!" doesn't have quite the same appeal as "'Coon hunt!" once did. Rabies doesn't show on the outside, but you can smell a skunk from a mile away, so I'll take the expense and hire Dwight the exterminator to "remove" those damned skunks. But I'll price it out, because if it's cheaper to get that crossbow I've always talked about, maybe I'll make a little investment.

That's Daddy's School

Just in time for the upcoming Notre Dame football season (39 days to kickoff and counting), Ava has figured out who she needs to be rooting for. Let me tell you a little story. Last week, I was loading Molly and Ava into my car to go to the store. I loaded Molly first, and as usual had Ava wait next to me before I loaded her. While loading Molly, I heard Ava clearly saying something that didn't register at first. Then I asked her what she just said. As clear as an adult she said "Go Irish!"

Not only did she say "Go Irish," she also did the standard fist pump cheer!!! I cannot tell you how amazed I was. Upon closer inspection, this wasn't just a spontaneous cheer. She saw my ND alumni sticker on the car window with the interlocking ND logo! She obviously recognized it and did her cheer!

First off, I am definitely not a crazy ND dad (yet). I have never tried to coerce Ava into saying Go Irish, or any other ND phrases. In fact, I don't ever recall ever saying that to her. Second, Ava has outgrown almost all of her ND gear (hint hint), so she doesn't see the logos much. Third, Ali also is amazed and obviously isn't practicing secret ND cheers! My best guess is that she notices my shirts and may have remembered some of the baby propaganda from last year (My First ND Book or the Baby ND DVD).

In any case, the proud ND papa now presents his daughter cheering for "Daddy's School." Please excuse the video being sideways. I couldn't figure out how to rotate it after I recorded on my still camera.

Simpsonize Me

Not that I want this to turn into a lame Hollywood blog, but I have another movie-themed post tonight. This time, it centers around the marketing genius around The Simpsons Movie. This long-anticipated movie comes out this month after yet another marketing blitz geared toward packing the theaters on opening weekend.

However, The Simpsons have one of the most ingenious schemes ever. You can simpsonize yourself online!!! Try this website, Simpsonize Me. Armed with a head shot of yourself, a quick upload will allow you to recreate yourself in true Simpsons form! Without further ado, I present to you...

Dr. Ted

Well done Burger King, well done!

More Than Meets The Eye

So this week opens yet another summer blockbuster. Michael Bay is unleashing Transformers upon us all! As a long-time Transformers fan, I felt compelled to make a brief blog post on this one. First, let me just say I am a huge Transformers fan. As a kid, I owned just about every Autobot they sold in stores. Conversely, Ian owned just about every Decepticon. We would still have them had someone not "lost them" (that's code for giving them away to some other kid without asking Ian or I).

This movie is going to be great! I plan on seeing this movie as soon as I am able. It is pretty tough these days getting to the movies with 2 youngsters! But before anyone goes, please get into the right frame of mind. It's Transformers - a movie about living robots from outer space who can mimic human machines. There really isn't anything beyond this very basic plot - TOTAL MAYHEM AND DESTRUCTION! That's why Bay was perfect for this movie! Please don't bash this movie for having no plot. It's not supposed to! Also, please don't bash this movie because it wasn't "true to the cartoon." You may not remember the cartoon clearly if you think it was all that great. I'll leave you with a little quote from a great website I read. This perfectly summarizes the old Transformers cartoon.

"Fans of the original television series will recall there were essentially two possible plots to any Transformers episode. Plot one involved the Decepticons discovering a new way to make Energon Cubes, forcing the Autobots to have to stop them. And plot two involved the Autobots finding a new way to generate Energon Cubes, causing the Decepticons to try and stop them, forcing the Autobots to have to stop them from stopping them. Each episode ended with a melee which involved the same recycled shots of Transformers seemingly floating in midair while their blasters fired repeatedly. The Decepticons would run off with their tails between their legs – and if for some reason the Autobots were having a hard time stopping them, they would turn to their new recruit, a Transformer we'd never seen or heard from before but was, fortunately for us, available in stores that very week, who would aid in chasing the Decepticons off with their tails between their legs. In a word, it was FUCKING AWESOME!"

USA loses to World All-stars

OK, so I got to watch the USA-Argentina game last night, and let me say that as soon as I saw the lineup Argentina was fielding, I expected a rout. I guess a 4-1 loss wasn't so bad - it could have (and should have) been much worse.

Consider this, the only player on the US starting squad I could identify was Kasey Keller. I could identify all 11 starters, and two subs, for Argentina. Here's who started for the powder blue: Ayala, Heinze, Milito, Zanetti, Cambiasso, Mascherano, Riquelme, Veron, Crespo, and Messi.

Here's who started for the US: some crappy right fullback named Wynne who thought he was playing sweeper and kept giving Messi 20 feet to take the ball to goal.

Notables remarks about these young players for the USA:

1. No one showed me anything. Granted, they played a superstar-loaded Argentina, but not a single player had a positive stand-out moment. Maybe Eddie Johnson handled the pressure on the PK, but that was about it.
2. Our young defenders don't know how to mark. They consistently gave Messi, Crespo, and Tevez as much space as they wanted.
3. If our defenders get in trouble, and sometimes even when they don't, they like to kick the ball as far as possible. This goes for Keller as well.
4. Our guys were diving left and right because it was the only way they could keep possession.

If these guys are the up-and-comers for US soccer, then last night's game proved that we will not be able to compete with the great teams of the world. Argentina outclassed our young guys, and unfortunately we didn't have any real bright spots from which to take a "moral victory."

Kobayashi Running Scared

In the world of competitive eating, there is really only one name - KOBAYASHI! The tiny Japanese phenom has won 6 straight Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Competitions at Coney Island. The competition, generally considered the Super Bowl of eating, is held annually on the 4th of July. Not only has Kabayashi won, he has demolished his competition, often besting his own world record in the process. Last year, he put down a remarkable 53.75 hot dogs in 12 minutes.

So today, 10 days before the big event, Kobayashi posted a blog entry titled "Vocational Disease." He describes how he has recently been diagnosed with TMJ syndrome and cannot open his mouth wider than his fingertip! He goes on to call his injury a "fatal wound" similar to torn ligaments in pitcher's arm. Now I'm not an expert or anything - WAIT! I am an expert! I am a radiologist trained in evaluating TMJ syndrome! I know a lot about this, and while this is a real problem that can cause some significant pain, I've never heard of it so severe that one cannot open his mouth!

What's really going on here? It is plainly obvious that Kobayashi is afraid! That's right! His biggest challenger, Joey Chestnut, just shattered Kobayashi's world record last month putting down 59.5 hot dogs!!! Now, realizing he would probably lose, he makes up some excuse and either skips Nathan's or has an out, should he show up and not win. This punk is robbing Chestnut of his deserved glory. Without Kobayashi, it won't even be a contest. Then again, it wouldn't have been a contest with him anyway. Chestnut is now THE MAN! USA has finally regained it's rightful crown for competitive eating!

!Estados Unidos, Campeons!

Viva USA!! As you may or may not know, the USA played and won the 2007 Gold Cup this summer, their second Gold Cup Championship in a row. Of course the global sports leader choose to air exactly zero matches, but luckily in Chicago all of the games were telecast live on Telefutura, our local Mexican affiliate. Also, I had the distinct pleasure to view the championship live at Soldier Field yesterday. Initially, I predicted a Mexican-US fan ratio of 70%-30%. However, after arrival I quickly changed that to 90%-10%, and that was being generous to US fans such as myself. The stadium was electric, easily one of the greatest sporting events I have ever witnessed, and the outcome was a thing of beauty, an ugly 2-1 US victory. I give credit to Mexico for attacking even with a lead, however it did open the way for the US to score the equalizer in 2nd half. Also, I was fortunate enough to sit in the section where a massive 40 person Mexican vs. Mexican brawl erupted immediately following the 2nd US goal. Beers and fists flew at a rapid pace, but the only thing I caught was some ketchup on my pants. However, after the 2nd goal you could have poured 10 beers on me and I wouldn't have cared; actually 10 beers were poured on me, but I didn't mind, because the USA es los campeons!

Goodbye Mr. Wizard

So I just found out that Mr. Wizard died last week at the ripe old age of 89! Who among us hasn't watched the classic episodes in which he demonstrates the world of science in amazing 20 minute segments? Hell, we even got to watch in school when our science teachers phoned it in back in the day (only now do I realize that they were probably hung over on those days). Of course he hadn't been doing his show for the last 10 years or so, but that doesn't matter. Everyone knows Mr. Wizard!

So as tribute, I will defer to Stephen Colbert from The Report last week. Colbert decisively bridges the gap between religion and science. Take that science!