That's Daddy's School

Just in time for the upcoming Notre Dame football season (39 days to kickoff and counting), Ava has figured out who she needs to be rooting for. Let me tell you a little story. Last week, I was loading Molly and Ava into my car to go to the store. I loaded Molly first, and as usual had Ava wait next to me before I loaded her. While loading Molly, I heard Ava clearly saying something that didn't register at first. Then I asked her what she just said. As clear as an adult she said "Go Irish!"

Not only did she say "Go Irish," she also did the standard fist pump cheer!!! I cannot tell you how amazed I was. Upon closer inspection, this wasn't just a spontaneous cheer. She saw my ND alumni sticker on the car window with the interlocking ND logo! She obviously recognized it and did her cheer!

First off, I am definitely not a crazy ND dad (yet). I have never tried to coerce Ava into saying Go Irish, or any other ND phrases. In fact, I don't ever recall ever saying that to her. Second, Ava has outgrown almost all of her ND gear (hint hint), so she doesn't see the logos much. Third, Ali also is amazed and obviously isn't practicing secret ND cheers! My best guess is that she notices my shirts and may have remembered some of the baby propaganda from last year (My First ND Book or the Baby ND DVD).

In any case, the proud ND papa now presents his daughter cheering for "Daddy's School." Please excuse the video being sideways. I couldn't figure out how to rotate it after I recorded on my still camera.

Simpsonize Me

Not that I want this to turn into a lame Hollywood blog, but I have another movie-themed post tonight. This time, it centers around the marketing genius around The Simpsons Movie. This long-anticipated movie comes out this month after yet another marketing blitz geared toward packing the theaters on opening weekend.

However, The Simpsons have one of the most ingenious schemes ever. You can simpsonize yourself online!!! Try this website, Simpsonize Me. Armed with a head shot of yourself, a quick upload will allow you to recreate yourself in true Simpsons form! Without further ado, I present to you...

Dr. Ted

Well done Burger King, well done!

More Than Meets The Eye

So this week opens yet another summer blockbuster. Michael Bay is unleashing Transformers upon us all! As a long-time Transformers fan, I felt compelled to make a brief blog post on this one. First, let me just say I am a huge Transformers fan. As a kid, I owned just about every Autobot they sold in stores. Conversely, Ian owned just about every Decepticon. We would still have them had someone not "lost them" (that's code for giving them away to some other kid without asking Ian or I).

This movie is going to be great! I plan on seeing this movie as soon as I am able. It is pretty tough these days getting to the movies with 2 youngsters! But before anyone goes, please get into the right frame of mind. It's Transformers - a movie about living robots from outer space who can mimic human machines. There really isn't anything beyond this very basic plot - TOTAL MAYHEM AND DESTRUCTION! That's why Bay was perfect for this movie! Please don't bash this movie for having no plot. It's not supposed to! Also, please don't bash this movie because it wasn't "true to the cartoon." You may not remember the cartoon clearly if you think it was all that great. I'll leave you with a little quote from a great website I read. This perfectly summarizes the old Transformers cartoon.

"Fans of the original television series will recall there were essentially two possible plots to any Transformers episode. Plot one involved the Decepticons discovering a new way to make Energon Cubes, forcing the Autobots to have to stop them. And plot two involved the Autobots finding a new way to generate Energon Cubes, causing the Decepticons to try and stop them, forcing the Autobots to have to stop them from stopping them. Each episode ended with a melee which involved the same recycled shots of Transformers seemingly floating in midair while their blasters fired repeatedly. The Decepticons would run off with their tails between their legs – and if for some reason the Autobots were having a hard time stopping them, they would turn to their new recruit, a Transformer we'd never seen or heard from before but was, fortunately for us, available in stores that very week, who would aid in chasing the Decepticons off with their tails between their legs. In a word, it was FUCKING AWESOME!"

USA loses to World All-stars

OK, so I got to watch the USA-Argentina game last night, and let me say that as soon as I saw the lineup Argentina was fielding, I expected a rout. I guess a 4-1 loss wasn't so bad - it could have (and should have) been much worse.

Consider this, the only player on the US starting squad I could identify was Kasey Keller. I could identify all 11 starters, and two subs, for Argentina. Here's who started for the powder blue: Ayala, Heinze, Milito, Zanetti, Cambiasso, Mascherano, Riquelme, Veron, Crespo, and Messi.

Here's who started for the US: some crappy right fullback named Wynne who thought he was playing sweeper and kept giving Messi 20 feet to take the ball to goal.

Notables remarks about these young players for the USA:

1. No one showed me anything. Granted, they played a superstar-loaded Argentina, but not a single player had a positive stand-out moment. Maybe Eddie Johnson handled the pressure on the PK, but that was about it.
2. Our young defenders don't know how to mark. They consistently gave Messi, Crespo, and Tevez as much space as they wanted.
3. If our defenders get in trouble, and sometimes even when they don't, they like to kick the ball as far as possible. This goes for Keller as well.
4. Our guys were diving left and right because it was the only way they could keep possession.

If these guys are the up-and-comers for US soccer, then last night's game proved that we will not be able to compete with the great teams of the world. Argentina outclassed our young guys, and unfortunately we didn't have any real bright spots from which to take a "moral victory."

Kobayashi Running Scared

In the world of competitive eating, there is really only one name - KOBAYASHI! The tiny Japanese phenom has won 6 straight Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Competitions at Coney Island. The competition, generally considered the Super Bowl of eating, is held annually on the 4th of July. Not only has Kabayashi won, he has demolished his competition, often besting his own world record in the process. Last year, he put down a remarkable 53.75 hot dogs in 12 minutes.

So today, 10 days before the big event, Kobayashi posted a blog entry titled "Vocational Disease." He describes how he has recently been diagnosed with TMJ syndrome and cannot open his mouth wider than his fingertip! He goes on to call his injury a "fatal wound" similar to torn ligaments in pitcher's arm. Now I'm not an expert or anything - WAIT! I am an expert! I am a radiologist trained in evaluating TMJ syndrome! I know a lot about this, and while this is a real problem that can cause some significant pain, I've never heard of it so severe that one cannot open his mouth!

What's really going on here? It is plainly obvious that Kobayashi is afraid! That's right! His biggest challenger, Joey Chestnut, just shattered Kobayashi's world record last month putting down 59.5 hot dogs!!! Now, realizing he would probably lose, he makes up some excuse and either skips Nathan's or has an out, should he show up and not win. This punk is robbing Chestnut of his deserved glory. Without Kobayashi, it won't even be a contest. Then again, it wouldn't have been a contest with him anyway. Chestnut is now THE MAN! USA has finally regained it's rightful crown for competitive eating!

!Estados Unidos, Campeons!

Viva USA!! As you may or may not know, the USA played and won the 2007 Gold Cup this summer, their second Gold Cup Championship in a row. Of course the global sports leader choose to air exactly zero matches, but luckily in Chicago all of the games were telecast live on Telefutura, our local Mexican affiliate. Also, I had the distinct pleasure to view the championship live at Soldier Field yesterday. Initially, I predicted a Mexican-US fan ratio of 70%-30%. However, after arrival I quickly changed that to 90%-10%, and that was being generous to US fans such as myself. The stadium was electric, easily one of the greatest sporting events I have ever witnessed, and the outcome was a thing of beauty, an ugly 2-1 US victory. I give credit to Mexico for attacking even with a lead, however it did open the way for the US to score the equalizer in 2nd half. Also, I was fortunate enough to sit in the section where a massive 40 person Mexican vs. Mexican brawl erupted immediately following the 2nd US goal. Beers and fists flew at a rapid pace, but the only thing I caught was some ketchup on my pants. However, after the 2nd goal you could have poured 10 beers on me and I wouldn't have cared; actually 10 beers were poured on me, but I didn't mind, because the USA es los campeons!

Goodbye Mr. Wizard

So I just found out that Mr. Wizard died last week at the ripe old age of 89! Who among us hasn't watched the classic episodes in which he demonstrates the world of science in amazing 20 minute segments? Hell, we even got to watch in school when our science teachers phoned it in back in the day (only now do I realize that they were probably hung over on those days). Of course he hadn't been doing his show for the last 10 years or so, but that doesn't matter. Everyone knows Mr. Wizard!

So as tribute, I will defer to Stephen Colbert from The Report last week. Colbert decisively bridges the gap between religion and science. Take that science!

Time to Trade Junior

I think the time has finally come - time for the Reds to trade Ken Griffey Jr. A lot of trade rumors are floating around right now, and Griffey comes up a lot. However, it seems almost certain Adam Dunn will be shipped out. I say keep Dunn and trade Griffey!

Let me preface with this, I love Griffey. I think he is one of the best players of all-time, and maybe the best hitter of his generation. One of the main reasons I say this is that Griffey obviously never used steroids. One can clearly see that by his slender physique and his propensity for injury. He just has a perfect swing that makes the ball fly out! I wonder if Griffey had 'roided up like most other power hitters, how many homers would he have right now? I'd say he would be knocking on the door of Aaron.

A quick statistical analysis shows that Junior averaged 140 games and 36 homers during his 11 seasons in Seattle. Contrast that to his Cincinnati career in which he averaged 100 games and 27 homers over 7 years prior to 2007. Lets just assume Griffey kept pace with his Seattle averages (and didn't INCREASE production like many of the steroid accused did later in their careers) over his 7 years in Cincinnati, by age what should have been the prime of his career. At the start of this season, he would be sitting at 650, just behind Willie Mays. By now, he'd have passed Mays and would be at 668. Bonds has 3 seasons on Junior, so add 3 more seasons to Griffey's stats and he ends up with 758 home runs - our all-time home run king!

So why trade him now? Because he is having the best start to a season since 2000. I love the guy and want him to succeed, but there are a ton of great teams that need a lefty bat right now. We could get some immediate help in the bullpen, and a couple top prospects in return. Although I hope it's not the case, I don't think Griffey will be performing at this level for long - or perhaps again. The past 7 years have shown that every season is just a matter of time before he winds up on an extended DL stint. Adam Dunn, for all his faults is a durable power hitter that is made for GABP. In this post-steroid era, how many hitters can you legitimately pencil in 40 homers at the start of the season? Not more than a handful. He is the power hitter that our team should be relying on for the next decade.

So I say, farewell to Junior. Thanks for the memories, and good luck getting your ring elsewhere. Don't kick us when you're gone either. With a healthy Junior, the Reds would have been in the playoffs in 2000 and 2006. You can't say he never had a shot in Cincy!

John Edwards Is A Douche Bag

I'm not really in the know on politics (or the current political persuasions of our family), but I do know one thing. John Edwards is absolute scum. Look at that slimy smile on the left. He's just scheming on how he can continue to pull the wool over the eyes of America. This guy CANNOT be our next president. Let me tell you why.

John Edwards is a multimillionaire. That in itself is not a problem. All presidential candidates are. However, many news reports say he is an example of the American Dream. I say he is the American Nightmare. He earned his money as a malpractice lawyer. Okay, insert anti-lawyer joke here (sorry Bridget). In any case, the way by which he practiced law is despicable. He pioneered the practice of suing a psychiatrist after a patient committed suicide. However, he specialized in suing OB/GYN doctors for children born with cerebral palsy. Now let me give a couple medical facts (I am a biased doctor after all): insults that cause cerebral palsy occur well before delivery and there has never been any proven correlation between cerebral palsy and delivery technique. So what did Edwards do to win his cases? He twisted the medical facts and played on the heartstrings of the jury. This is a direct quote from an article in The Washington Times, a surprisingly anti-Edwards article from this newspaper:

"Linking complications during childbirth to cerebral palsy became a specialty for Mr. Edwards. In the courtroom, he was known to dramatize the events at birth by speaking to jurors as if he were the unborn baby, begging for help, begging to be let out of the womb."
Edwards' malpractice suits leave bitter taste

Are you kidding me? The article makes me want to punch Edwards in the nose! In one particular case, he sued the OB doctor, anesthesiologist, the OB clinic AND the hospital involved. That got a pretty $23 million settlement. Oh, that's great for the "victim" right? Not so much after Edwards takes his 50%!!! The guy has almost single-handedly destroyed the health care system in his home state of North Carolina. Read the article for numerous examples of how his actions have directly resulted in thousands losing health care and access to medical care. If he gets elected, I wonder how long before the entire system collapses.

In a recent announcement, Edwards also revealed that the breast cancer his wife had previously been treated for was back. This is a very sad thing. I honestly feel terrible for her and her family. She is relatively young and has developed a recurrance with metastatic spread. I'm sorry to say this is almost a death sentence. So what does Edwards do? He holds a press conference stating that the show must go on! He will continue to run for president while his wife gets treatment. This brings up the title of this post... WHAT A DOUCHE BAG!!! If my wife developed a life-threatening illness that was almost assuredly fatal, I would drop everything to be with her. Instead, Edwards will hit the compaign trail. He will rely on the very same doctors (that he worked long and hard to destroy) to save her life. I have to wonder how long until he sues somebody regarding her treatment.

I recently read with joy an article about Edwards after the recent New Hampshire Democratic debate. In the last poll before the debate, Edwards (21%) was in a virtual dead heat with Clinton (27%) and Obama (20%). After the debate, Edwards plummeted. The new poll shows a significant drop with Edwards only having 12%. Apparently he must have screwed up at the debate. This is a really good thing. There are still a lot of people that think he is a good guy, so let's stomp that out.

Wow. Just... wow

The new Creation Museum recently opened in Petersburg, KY (summer vacation, mom and dad?) as an attempt to promote creationism at the expense of evolution. There is a wonderful review that can be read here. Perhaps my favorite exhibit from the museum is when they attempt to rationalize incest. I guess they sorta painted themselves into a corner with the whole 'Adam and Eve's kids must have married each other ' situation and had some 'splaining to do. Here's why they think it's okay to boink your brother/sister/cousin/relative...

Notice how they never actually say incest is wrong. They just kinda say "it was okay back then" and "if you try it today you may have mongoloid babies". Those crazy creationists!